A whole lot has changed over the last year. A lot. For the first time in a very long time, I feel really good about things. And it’s kind of obnoxious, isn’t it?
First a little background. About six years, some friends of mine did something really lame, and I went spiraling into a depression that lingered for about three years . . . when it reached a boiling point. I got very frustrated by the fact that most of my friends were never interested in doing the kinds of things I wanted to do. No one ever wanted to go camping or canoeing, play Frisbee or go out drinking, go to the movies or get a pizza. Honestly, I didn’t really enjoy hanging out with my friends very much. They were more interested in going to restaurants I didn’t like and talking about poetry and people I didn’t know. They’re great people, but it just wasn’t the crowd I needed. It wasn’t what I wanted to do. After one particularly awful incident I’ve documented here before, I just dropped out. I didn’t want to hang out with almost any of my friends. I moved out of the apartment I was living in and into one where I lived by myself for the first time. I stopped returning calls or emails. And honestly, it was about six months before people began to notice. That’s how little I was contributing to the group. So I lived in almost complete isolation for almost two years. Only occasionally meeting new people.
There were very few friends that remained. My older friend, Heather. Of course, we would only get together and hang out once every three or four months. She had gotten married and had a kid, so she had more of those adult responsibilities. I spent the weekends going to the movies religiously. I even spent one Halloween at home doing nothing. Nothing on Halloween! I had no parties. No prospects. Really, no one to talk to. I felt bad. The only people I interacted with very much were the people who worked at the businesses I patronized.
By the summer of 2009, I never saw anybody else. The only people I talked to were people online that I had never met.
Now, it’s a year later. And there’s a lot of people I hang out with every week. Next week, I’m moving in with a good friend of mine. Someone who likes watching movies and drinking. I’m about to go on a major road trip with two friends of mine to the Telluride Film Festival. Along the way, we’re going to visit some hot springs and do some camping. I regularly hang out with another friend who has movie nights at his place and even orders the exact same pizza I do (deep dish pineapple pizza from Jet’s). Another friend has gotten in touch with me about working on a script together. Another friend who’s college-aged regularly has get-togethers and I’m always meeting new people. I’ve really lucked into something and turned everything around. I’m taking other steps to do some stuff to make myself feel better. I’ve even gotten it into my head that perhaps I won’t spend every holiday by myself this year. I don’t have any romantic prospects, but since when has that ever made me feel better? I'm spending a shit-load of money, but there's nothing else I've been saving up for in particular. It's about fucking time I spent some of it.
There was a dark period for about a month and a half, but it’s been a great year. My blogging has suffered as a result of an actual social life, but I intend to change that. I’m feeling motivated. I’m feeling pretty positive.
Now I just need to start shooting some projects.