"Heaven for the climate; Hell for the company."

                             -Mark Twain

A New Favorite Quote

"What a dingy way to die."

                                  -Albert Finney, Under the Volcano

Profit

Profit

A demented corporate melodrama that aired on FOX(!) in 1996.

The Set-Up: Adrian Pasdar plays Jim Profit, a newly hired executive at Gracen & Gracen. Nursing an extreme Oedipal complex, he sets into motion a Machiavellian plane to climb as high as on the corporate ladder as he can get, by any means necessary – including blackmail, bribery, fraud, forgery, seduction, pick-pocketing and murder among other things. Those who go against him end up in jail, with a gun in their mouth, or even in a box to China. It’s a cross of Wall Street and American Psycho.

Typical episode: Someone is onto Jim Profit and his insidious plans. They think they have the upper hand. But Profit, with the aid of his poor blackmailed secretary Gail, is always one step ahead – knocking out executives one by one on his way to the top.

His secretary does his bidding and laments the day when she could actually live with herself. Head-of-security Joanne tries to expose Profit for the fraud he is. Profit’s mother helps him out on a scheme in order to further her own agenda. And Profit plays with corporate wife Nora’s emotions. Along the way, he blackmails someone for stalking, contemplating suicide, stealing, child molestation, rape or a lesbian affair. At the end of the day, Profit retires to a secret black room with a computer, where he sits naked as fish shadows float over his face. When he gets tired of that, he retires to a big cardboard box, curls up and drifts off to sleep.

Typical dialogue: “The day he gets hit by a bus, I believe in God again.”

My favorite episodes:

• 1.1: The Pilot: Profit walks into a room and greets an attractive woman with a hot and heavy kiss. As they pull out of the kiss, Profit says, “Hello, Mother.” According to legend, that’s when the ratings plummeted – never to rise again. After failing to knock one executive out of the picture, Joanne starts digging into Profit’s past and is shocked by what she finds. Murder ensues.
  
• 1.4: “Healing” Profit blackmails Joanne’s therapist into hypnotizing Joanne and completely fucking her up by drudging up the memory of her finding her daddy’s dead body hanging from the rafters.
  
• 1.6 : “Chinese Box” Profit must deliver a top secret chip developed by a mad genius to a Chinese company. The mad genius is awesome. A creep who sits in a room full of monitors while stroking a kitty in his lap. Or sitting on a rocking horse in front of a giant clock next to a big ceramic frog. This episode is Gail-centric. Special guest star: Dr. Marvin Candle/Mark Wickman.
  
• 1.8 “Forgiveness” The final episode. Profit prevents the merger, and murders the pedophile uncle before he can take the little girl scout out on his yacht.
  

Least Favorite:

• 1.3 “Sykes” Corporate lawyer Sykes joins the show. He becomes the first formidable opponent for Profit. This episode is less fun only because Profit does not emerge triumphant. He is actually given pause by this kid he never saw coming.
  

How many episodes were produced? 8. Only four aired.

Is there much continuity? Yes, there is an ongoing story following Profit’s exploits and pieces of his past slowly come to light.

Why was it canceled? The ratings were dismal.

Was there closure? Kind of. Profit rises to the position he wants. Most of the subplots come to an end.

Any unattended issues? Oh, yes. Most particularly, Joanne’s investigation has taken her to Ireland, where she has learned the real Jim Profit may still be alive. Both she and Sykes are onto him. Still.

The verdict: Awesome. Radically diabolical. Adrian Pasdar’s performance is steely and sinister. The humor is twisted. And the amorality is shocking. There are some technical aspects that have dated the show badly – like the very cheesy computer effects and the silly, whispery narration. But the story-telling is top notch. The “good guys” are so unlikable, while the bad guy reeks of charisma. The score is kick ass and moody. It is slimy, evil fun to watch Profit knock out each trusting victim one by one.

Blood for Dracula

Veronica Mars

"Man, quit bringing me down with your bourgeois hangups."

-Veronica Mars

Garfield Minus Garfield

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

"I'm not a baby. I'm a tumor."

-Hellboy II: The Golden Army

A Clockwork Orange

Action

Action

A pitch black satire about the film business that aired on FOX (notice a trend yet?) in 1999.

The Set-Up: Jay Mohr plays venomous film producer Peter Dragon. After a string of hits, his latest opus, Slow Torture, bombs at the box office. Since he is only as good as his last movie, he must start at the bottom and make another hit. He gets a script he doesn’t want, called Beverly Hills Gun Club. He falls in with a prostitute as an advisor (Illeana Douglas). And he does whatever he must to get the movie made and survive in Hollywood.

Typical episode: Jay Mohr encounters some setback that threatens to derail Beverly Hills Gun Club. He sells off yet another portion of his soul and does something despicable to get the movie made.

Typical dialogue: “Wouldn’t it be hysterical if my character were molested as child? I would like to portray that in a series of dark but wacky flashbacks.”

A typical speech: “When I was thirteen years old, I saw my first R-rated movie, Barbarella. And in the opening sequence, Jane Fonda took out two of the most beautiful, ripe melons this ole farm boy ever did see. But they’re gone now because of time, aging, gravity, and that dirty ole bird Ted Turner pulling on them night after night.”

My favorite episodes:

• 1.4: “Blowhard” The leading man for Beverly Hills Gun Club, played by Point Pleasant’s Richard Burgi, confides in Peter that he’s gay. Peter convinces the star to stay in the closet by pretending to be gay himself, and going that extra mile. Special guest star: Sandra Bullock, who is upset with Mohr for releasing a sex tape of them together. The tape is called While You Were Sleeping . . . On My Face.
  
• 1.5: “Mr. Dragon Goes to Washington” While defending movie violence to Congress, Jay Mohr says some offensive shit. A publicist is hired (the dangerously named Connie Hunt) to offset the fallout. Jay Mohr tosses a baby into a crowd. Special guest star: David Hasselhoff, auctioning off Mary Tyler Moore’s corn holers.
  
• 1.6 : “Twelfth Step to Hell” After Leo DiCaprio passes on the movie, Jay Mohr rescues hot young actor Holden Van Dorn, played by Fabrizio Filippo, from rehab. Filippo’s character is my favorite on the show. Special Guest Stars: Tony Hawk, representing Leo DiCaprio. And Scott Wolf, trying to persuade Jay Mohr that he looks tall on camera.
  
• 1.8 “Love Sucks” The read thru of the script. Filippo falls off the wagon with real style. And the leading actress is fat, or as the lipo specialist Dr. Wong puts it, “She’s fat!” A “blood and piss guy” uses Amish blood he has obtained from “traps” to enable Filippo to pass the insurance drug test. The abuse the sexually-frustrated scriptwriter takes hits an all time high.
  
• 1.11 “Dead Man Floating” Filippo, off the wagon again, accidentally kills the movie’s director, played by R. Lee Ermy. Ermy is found floating in a pool – his water wings still on. As Filippo assesses the situation, “I have such bad luck!” Connie Hunt is called in.
  

Least Favorite:

• 1.3 “Blood Money” Mohr goes to gangsters, pimps and arm dealers to fund the movie. An obvious metaphor that’s been done before. And the show had not quite yet hit its dark stride.
  

How many episodes were produced? 13. Only eight aired.

Is there much continuity? It’s surprising to me that a comedy from the nineties would employ an ongoing story arc. That wasn’t really the fashion yet, but this show keeps track of all the elements creating the movie. There are some discrepancies in dialogue from episode to episode. And the age of Jay Mohr’s character seems to change.

Why was it canceled? Many theories. It was up against Frasier on Thursday nights. It was too inside. It pissed off the wrong people. Ultimately it all boils down to one thing: low ratings.

Was there closure? When they realized the show was going to be canceled, the creators made an episode where Jay Mohr’s character dies of a heart attack. While this was the last episode aired, it is not the final episode. The last episode concerns Illeana Douglas’s character realizing that being a whore is better than being in show business. After a particularly revolting play to keep the movie on track, she decides to drop out and move “some place clean.”

Any unattended issues? The movie is never finished. According to Joel Silver, the plan was to actually show Beverly Hills Gun Club as the last episode. Alas, it never came to be. It sounds awesome. Some scenes mentioned:

• The slaughter at the zoo. Including pandas!
  
• The toboggan full of lesbians.
  
• The lesbian/sister sex scene.
  
• Another sex scene.
  
• Some explosions.

The verdict: I absolutely loved this show when it first aired. There was nothing like it at the time. A plethora of name-dropping, and none of it kind. Since then, there have been many TV shows about despicable characters doing awful things, and now Action feels a little diluted as a result.

There are a few problems with the show. It doesn’t always commit fully to its rampant cynicism. And it gets a little broad sometimes. But when its game was on, the show was amazing. Mohr’s performance is abrasively ballsy.

The way the writer was treated by the characters really bummed me out the first time I saw it, and it still bums me out. But making movies still looks cool. It remains one of my favorite shows .

My 2007 Movie-Going Experience

The 2007 Movie-Going Experience

This year, I was all about genre movies, so if you weren’t an Apocalyptic Horror film; an Extended Chase Sequence; a Grim, Ponderous Revisionist Western; a Subversive Animated film; a Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural; or the Most Anti-Authoritarian/Revolutionary Entry in a Fantasy Franchise, then I wasn’t interested in you.


My Favorites:

28 Weeks Later
Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
Genre: Apocalyptic Horror/ Extended Chase Sequence
Themes: The Sins of Our Fathers, Child in Peril, Alienation from Society, The Inevitability of Death
I fully expected this movie to be a crap cash-in on the first movie. Slicker and kinder and gentler. Right from the first bout of blood-vomiting, it was clear I was wrong. There has been a surge of military horror films recently (Dog Soldiers, The Hills Have Eyes II, Aliens V. Predator). I suppose this is a response to the Iraq war. None of them are as visceral, tense and believable as this one. And I especially love how the end of humanity comes from a kiss. This movie is anti-family, anti-military, anti-kids, anti-science, anti-everything. Take that, Juno.


The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Directed by Andrew Domonik
Genre: Grim, Ponderous Revisionist Western
Themes: Obsession, The Sins of Our Fathers, Alienation from Society, Alternative Redemption, The Inevitability of Death
While 3:10 to Yuma is the tighter and slicker western, this movie is its dark, funereal counterpart. Some might find this movie’s obsession with death and legend morbid, but it struck me as more afraid of life – if that’s any better. The style is a lot like Terrence Malick’s, but without the poetic silliness. .Ultimately, what makes this movie work for me, besides the amazing cinematography, is Casey Affleck’s performance. I saw this directly after seeing Gone Baby Gone, and that was one introspective depressing, Casey-heavy afternoon. I’ve always liked him, and I’m excited that he’s finally getting some great roles.


everything will be ok
Directed by Don Hertzfeldt
Genre: Subversive Animation
Themes: Alienation from Society, The Inevitability of Death
With every project Hertzfeldt does, he becomes more and more depressing – which makes him more awesome. He’s always had a black streak - humor-wise, but the mood of his films is becoming overwhelmingly sad and contemplative – and I’m loving it. This 15 minute short film is the best thing he’s done yet. For the first time, he created a real, living character to express his twisted sensibilities.


Gone Baby Gone
Directed by Ben Affleck
Genre: Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural
Themes: Obsession, The Sins of Our Fathers, Alternative Redemption, Child in Peril
The trailer made it look like an ordinary kidnapping procedural to me, but it treats the case with a considerably more cynical take than I was expecting. A no-win situation where there’s no way to determine the right thing to do. Affleck is the anti-antihero. He wants to do the right thing so badly, he can’t help but fuck it up.


Grindhouse
Directed by Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino w/ Eli Roth, Edgar Wright, & Rob Zombie
Genre: Apocalyptic Horror/ Extended Chase Sequence
Themes: Alienation from Society, Child in Peril,
Stupid Weinsteins. When the movie bombed at the box office, they released it on DVD in two parts. I refuse to acknowledge these DVDs. I’ve heard that a “box set” with both films is on the way. Hopefully, it can be seen again as it was intended – with the fake trailers in between and back to back. One of the most fun movie-going experiences I’ve had in a long time. Both are exceedingly sardonic and exploitive. Rodriguez is giving into the side that created Sin City while Tarantino becomes a full-fledged action director with a second half that is almost unbearably tense. Car chases rock!


Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Directed by David Yates
Genre: Most Anti-Authoritarian/Revolutionary Entry in a Fantasy Franchise
Themes: The Sins of Our Fathers, Alienation from Society, Child in Peril
The beginning of this movie is shot in bright, sunny colors. Then a storm arrives – sucking the colors out of the picture, never to return. This is my favorite of the Harry Potter books. I’ve described the fifth book as the most punk of the Harry Potter books, so I was initially disappointed that the movie didn’t keep Harry’s fifteen-year-old bad attitude. I still think the movie is too complacent, but watching it a second time, I was struck by how creepy it is. Especially the finale in the Ministry. This series has really come a long way. I hope it psychologically scars more than a few kids.


In the Valley of Elah
Directed by Paul Haggis
Genre: Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural
Themes: Obsession, The Sins of Our Fathers, Alienation from Society, Child in Peril
This movie completely took me by surprise. It comes the closest I’ve ever seen to something that’s anti-soldier (although I’m sure the film makers would argue otherwise). Maybe it’s just anti-military. Either way, it delves a bit deeper than a simple polemic about the Iraq war. And the final image really took me by surprise (although in retrospect, it was pretty heavily telegraphed). But after listening to someone bitch mercilessly about such a thing, I was really impressed to see it used in a movie. I might include it on my favorite final shots page, even though it’s a tad spoilerish.


The Lookout
Directed by Scott Frank
Genre: Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural
Themes: The Sins of Our Fathers, Alienation from Society, Alternative Redemption
There’s not a lot about this little thriller from first time director Scott Frank that’s original. But what it lacks in plot twists and originality, it makes up for with characters and tone. The characters are unusual enough, and the performances strong enough, to make this movie sadly affective. It smacks of loneliness and longing, and in the end, completely delivers on its genre-promises without conceding to sappy sentimental nonsense.


The Mist
Directed by Frank Darabont
Genre: Apocalyptic Horror
Themes: Alienation from Society, Child in Peril, The Inevitability of Death
What’s scarier? Giant monsters with tentacles and wings or Christians in your midst? It has been over 17 years since Frank Darabont has done a horror film. In the meantime, he has drenched himself in sentimental schmaltzly feel-good movies. But he hasn’t forgotten what makes a movie scary. The beginning is clunky, and the characters are thin, but the tension is fantastic. Coming from the man who made The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, to see something this cynical is shocking. A twisted black comedy with a sadistic punch line. And by comedy, I mean the kind that scars and horrifies you and only seems darkly funny in retrospect during therapy.


No Country for Old Men
Directed by Joel & Ethan Coen
Genre: Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural / Grim, Ponderous Revisionist Western / Extended Chase Sequence
Themes: Alternative Redemption, The Inevitability of Death
I’ve always liked the Coen brothers’ crime thrillers much more than their comedies. It’s not more than one long, extended chase. But a very tense chase. Super stylish and frightening with typical sardonic Coen humor. I’m surprised to hear how true an adaptation it is. So much of it reeks of Coen sensibilities. Stark, ominous, dry and totally nerve-wracking. I like violence.


Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Directed by Gore Verbinski
Genre: Most Anti-Authoritarian/Revolutionary Entry in a Fantasy Franchise
Themes: The Sins of Our Fathers, Alienation from Society, Alternative Redemption, Child in Peril, The Inevitability of Death
The Marx Brothers meet Errol Flynn with a bizarre detour to Jordowsky territory. All wrapped up a post-Lord of the Rings package. It’s everything I want from my allegories. The unwanted, unloved segments of society fighting to the death in an epic sword fight. In the rain. Irreverent, disturbing, and adventurous. And thankfully free of “good guys.” Everyone is in it to further their own pirate agenda. Only occasionally do their motives overlap. It recalls Everything Bad is Good For You by Steven Johnson. In that book, he argues that audiences expect story-telling to be considerably more complex these days thanks to video games and expansive serials. What really excites me here is that it is happening in “children’s” films. Hopefully, this movie will also scar some children.
Awesome song alert: “Hoist the Colours” The opening scene alone makes the movie brilliant.


Ratatouille
Directed by Brad Bird
Genre: Subversive Animation
Themes: Obsession, Alienation from Society
Another movie that I was unsure about due to a lackluster trailer, but I really like Brad Bird. Dude makes society’s outcasts mainstream without excess cheese. Going against the grain, being your own person, blah, blah, blah. But he does it with this precise sensibility that’s never cloying or preachy, but exciting and sly. And the scene where the rat and the guy “break up” is one of my favorite moments in a Disney movie.


There Will Be Blood
Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
Genre: Grim, Ponderous Revisionist Western
Themes: Obsession, The Sins of Our Fathers, Alternative Redemption, Child in Peril, The Inevitability of Death
I kind of think this movie and No Country for Old Men should switch titles. What may have been an ordinary period movie is turned into something way more dynamic and modern and disturbing. Giant as a horror movie. And I love the ambiguity at the center of the conflict. As much as P T Anderson insists its not meant to be ambiguous, I think he did it on purpose. These people are fucked up. I like hanging out with crazy people – as long as I get to leave when the credits roll.
Note: While I liked the music, I found it a little distracting at times.


Zodiac
Directed by David Fincher
Genre: Sad, Disillusioning Thriller/Procedural
Themes: Obsession, Alienation from Society, Alternative Redemption, The Inevitability of Death
Fincher steps back from his flashy/roller coaster plots and settles in for something ponderous and ominous and heavier than usual. The flip side of Seven. This movie doesn’t dwell in the gory details – it’s almost averse to them. He creates a real sense of life slipping by without accomplishing much. And he does it with creepy set pieces and a sense of (fading) urgency. All the President’s Men without the happy ending.



Other Things I liked in Movies This Year

Favorite Direction for movies not already mentioned:

Noah Baumbach
Margot at the Wedding
The Squid and the Whale for grown-ups. Disturbing and darkly funny and emotionally devastating. Where has Baumbach been hiding since Kicking and Screaming?

Tim Burton
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
I love that Burton shot this movie like a Giallo horror film rather than a Broadway musical. Of all the musicals I saw this year, this was the best horror movie. I think if I were to see it one or two more times, it would probably make my favorites list. The music just has to grow on me more.

Julian Schnabel
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Johnny Get Your Gun for stroke victims. He manages to evoke what it might be like to be trapped in your body. My biggest complaint, the movie just seems to peter out. There’s no real ending. A movie I respect more than I enjoy.

Edgar Wright
Hot Fuzz
Edgar Wright is fast becoming my favorite comedy director. A dose of Aronofsky’s editing techniques and Peter Jackson’s early affinity for overstatement. He genuinely loves the things he mocks. I hate action movies, but I like Edgar Wright.



Movies That Barely Missed My Master List

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
Directed by Sidney Lumet
I really want to see this one again. Twisted, surprising, and super sad. And Marissa Tomei naked. And Ethan Hawke naked, if that’s your bag. The story’s all out of order. Woo hoo! Can you believe the director is 82 years old?

Eastern Promises
Directed by David Cronenberg
I left this off the list just because it’s hard for me to get past silly Russian accents. Naked wrestling is always cool though.

Michael Clayton
Directed by Tony Gilroy
I grew up on legal thrillers, so I have little patience for them, but this movie was considerably more morally gray than most. I need to see it again to know if I’m comfortable putting it in my favorite’s list.

Superbad
Directed by some dude I’m too lazy to look up.
This movie was on my list until I saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High at the Belcourt. Compared to the teen comedies of yore, this one lacks some balls, but it’s still a step back in the right direction.



Performances I Liked

Casey Affleck
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
The sad, needy heart of the movie.

Javier Bardem
No Country for Old Men

George Clooney
Michael Clayton

Daniel Day-Lewis
There Will Be Blood
His performance is straight from a horror movie.

Paul Dano
There Will Be Blood
The scene where he explodes across the dinner table and screams his father into submission nearly gives Day-Lewis a run for his money.

Johnny Depp
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Ben Foster
3:10 to Yuma
Foster started out playing sweet likeable guys. Halfway through his stint on Six Feet Under, he graduated to the dark side and never looked back. This man can play insane in his sleep.

Jennifer Garner
Juno
The only thing about this steaming pile I liked.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The Lookout
He manages to play the role perfectly without once giving into any of the usual showy tics associated with playing mentally damaged characters.

Hal Holbrook
Into the Wild
Old people are depressing. Especially when they cry. Yes, Holbrook’s good-bye speech got to me a little.

Tommy Lee Jones
In the Valley of Elah
It is thanks almost entirely to Tommy Lee Jones’ performance that the movie (barely) skirts some of Haggis’ more overwrought, preachy tendencies.

Tommy Lee Jones
No Country for Old Men

Nicole Kidman
Margot at the Wedding
For the first time in years, she feels like a flesh and blood person again. And she had to play a cold-hearted bitch to do it.

Keira Knightly
Atonement

Jacob Koban
Joshua
“[Sniff] I don’t feel sick.”

Shia LaBeouf
Disturbia
According to Paul, “She’s cute.”

Jennifer Jason Leigh
Margot at the Wedding
I’ve always liked her – ever since I first saw her boobies. She should be in more movies.

Laura Linney
The Savages

Margo Martindale
Paris, Je T’aime
In less than five minutes, she manages to evoke more emotions than some actors do over the course of two hours.

James McAvoy
Atonement

Sam Rockwell
Joshua

Geoffrey Rush
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Amy Ryan
Gone Baby Gone

Molly Shannon
Year of the Dog
I’m really surprised she didn’t get mentioned at any year-end lists.

Paul Schneider
Lars and the Real Girl

Imelda Staunton
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Bonus points for the wicked smile she gives when she says, “Severe.”

Tilda Swinton
Michael Clayton
I loved her confused shock at the end, “So you don’t want the money?”

Tom Wilkinson
Michael Clayton



This is Where I List Perfectly Enjoyable Movies That I Didn’t Mention Anywhere Else:
Across the Universe

• It’s way too literal and trite, but it sure is pretty.
  

Adrenaline
Alpha Dog

• It reminds me of Bully, but without the pitch black humor.
  

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
Away from Her

• A sweet, sad, but vaguely boring movie. I don’t understand why Christie is the lock for the Oscar. Her performance was a supporting one. Pinset, as her husband, gives the central performance.
  

Black Snake Moan

• I think this movie was made soley for the scene where Samuel L. Jackson performs the title song during a thunderstorm. That scene alone is worth the price of admission.
  

Cassandra’s Dream
The Darjeeling Limited
I’m off the Anderson bandwagon.
Death at a Funeral

• A few funny moments. It needed more original wackiness, but there is one totally awesome moment that puts it on this list.
  

The Devil Came on Horseback
The King of Kong
Knocked Up

• Heigel’s character is so underdeveloped. There’s nothing to her.
  

Lake of Fire

• “Enjoyable” might not be the right word for this movie.
  

Lust, Caution
I’m Not There

• I need to see this movie a few more times. I know it would grow on me. Right now, it’s a fascinating and weird movie that goes over my head. I’m Dylan-ignorant. Sorry.
  

Once

• I thought this movie was very sweet and enjoyable, but why it’s made so many critic’s top ten lists escapes me. I have nothing against it, but why the extraordinary praise? 
  

Persepolis

• This movie acts like a bio film too much. Too many events to mark the passage of time and too little character-driven moments. Although the second half handles it better than the first half. Still, the style is striking and the tone is swift and (perfectly) enjoyable.
  

Shoot “Em Up
Sicko
Smokin’ Aces

• All style. No substance. Lots of violent posturing. Ridiculous. Absurd. But totally fun.
  

Stardust
Sunshine
This is England




Horror Movies
As usual, I saw a shitload of horror movies. Here’s what I saw and I noted the few I liked.

The Abandoned
Aliens Vs. Predators: Requiem
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

• Man Bites Dog without the bite. Ouch. Sorry for that one.
  

Black Sheep

• Funny, but the joke gets old kind of fast.
  

Blood and Chocolate
Borderland
Dead Silence
The Deaths of Ian Stone

• Nicely creepy until the ending when the whole cool idea finally buckles.
  

End of the Line

• Super low budget Canadian horror movie. It starts out with some iffy acting, but overcomes its limitations with a great story. Cloverfield reminds me of it more than a little.
  

1408

• I don’t get why anybody liked this movie or thought it was scary.
  

Halloween
Hannibal Rising
The Hills Have Eyes 2
The Hitcher
The Host

• This movie also just barely missed my favorites list.
  

Themes: Child in peril.
Mulberry Street
The Orphanage

• The chick-going-crazy horror sub-genre is not my favorite. Usually chicks going crazy grate on my nerves. This one handles it better than most. There is a definite dread and creepiness present, but it lacked the intensity of other horror movies I saw this year.
  
• Themes: Child in peril.
  

P2
Severance

• Funny, light-hearted horror. A plane blows up.
  

Skinwalkers
30 Days of Night
Tooth and Nail
This thing was horrid. Horrid!
Vacancy

A few previously released movies that I liked and I saw in theaters this year.
Blade Runner: The Final Cut
Fire on the Plains
Killer of Sheep
Sleepaway Camp

• Really homoerotic, and all of a sudden at the end – really disturbing. In a word, gnarly.
  

Movies That Sucked
American Gangster

• Too many needless, cliched diversions. Crowe is a cop with an ex-wife and family problems. Never seen that before in a cop movie. And ditto for Washington’s gangster who uses his money to woo a bland but pretty girl. And then a climax that’s boring as all hell.
  

Beowulf

• So I suspect Avery and Gaimon meant the script to be satirical, but I don’t think Zemeckis did.
  

The Bourne Ultimatum

• I didn’t see the second movie, but Bourne is one hell of a dull character. He’s like Jason Vorhees. He just marches through the movie doing everything he has to do to push the plot forward – including surviving more than a few ridiculously improbable wrecks. That kind of nonsense normally wouldn’t bother me if they style wasn’t trying so hard to make it feel realistic.
  

Breach
Bug
Charlie Wilson’s War
Dragon Wars
Why did I even bother? I knew better.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Enchanted
Fracture
The Golden Compass
The Invisible
Jumping off Bridges
The Kingdom
The Kite Runner
Live Free or Die Hard

• It flips back and forth between ridiculous action scenes and bullshit faux-technical exposition scenes. Timothy Oliphant sucks the energy out of every scene he appears in. And there was no reason for Willis to protect the Mac Dude as long as he did, only to ditch him once Kevin Smith explains where the bad guys are hiding. Wait a minute! Did someone say firesale?!
  

The Lives of Others

• I thought this movie was a comedy at first. The part where the dude places a check mark next to the name of the student who asks a semi-humanitarian question reminded me of the “free thought alert” button on the Simpsons. And exchanges like “He’s our only non-subversive writer.” “I’d have him monitored.” didn’t help. The villains should have worn evil moustaches and black hats. It was so pretentiously unaware of how goofy it was. And the guy shedding a single tear when he hears the Opera music? Christ! How lame. The random car accident at the end that serves no purpose other than to compound main dude’s guilt? And the interminable endings. Five years later. Five more years later, etc, until we get to the most audience-pandering moment possible to freeze frame. I was furious with this movie at the end. Other people apparently liked it though.
  

Meet the Robinsons

• I fear this is a serious trend in animated MOVIES, where loud SOUNDS and brightly colored bullshit SPILLS across the screen every thirty seconds to GRAB the audience’s attention. ADHD? Hey! Look at ME! Plot? Fuck that. Look AT me! Whhahahhah! Caffeine for THE face. AAAARRARAGGAH!
  

A Mighty Heart
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The Nines

• Artistic masturbation incarnate.
  

Rescue Dawn
Right at Your Door
The Seeker: The Dark is Rising
Shrek the Third
The Simpsons Movie
Spider-Man 3

• Two movies of building the rivalry between Maguire and Franco, raising the stakes regarding Dunst, implying that Spider-Man’s identity is not as secret as he thinks, and they erase it ten minutes in by giving Franco amnesia. Amnesia, for christ’s sake! Plus, the black goo plot sucked. Going emo counts as the dark side these days? The retconned plot regarding the uncle’s murder pissed me off. Fuck! What a disappointment.
  

Tears of the Black Tiger
The Ten
300
TMNT
Tranformers
The TV Set
An Unreasonable Man
Wristcutters: A Love Story




Movies I would rather scratch my eyes out than watch because the trailers made me throw up in my mouth a little
Amazing Grace

• Visit this website and you share your story of how Amazing Grace impacted you! Then you can show the movie at your church!
  

Bratz
Freedom Writers
Home of the Brave
We Are Marshall




Movies that never came to Nashville
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Charlie Bartlett
Fay Grim
Fido
4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days
Grace is Gone
I’m a Cyborg, But That’s OK
The Nines
Paranoid Park
Persepolis
Red Road
Redacted
Right at Your Door
Run, Fat Boy, Run
Slipstream
Smiley Face
Southland Tales
Teeth
Weirdsville
Youth Without Youth



A quick count gave me 114 movies I saw in theaters this year. I didn’t include many from the Janus festival, the Nashville Film Festival, or the Midnight Movies at the Belcourt. Plus I’m sure there are some others I saw, but forgot to include.