My 2008 TV-Watching Experience

My 2008 TV Watching Experience

I can’t finish my 2008 Film List until some movies finally make it to Nashville. But I can make of list of cool TV I saw this year. Despite having no cable, I still managed to stay current on most of my favorites.




Battlestar Galactica
Network: Sci-Fi
The penultimate season (or the first half of the final season by the network’s count) was the most consistent season so far. No stand alone episodes (not that there wasn’t plenty of filler) made for a real mounting sense of dire suspense. The show has grown so complex that I have trouble keeping the different cylons apart, but it is truly shaping up to be an epic series. Characters still have a tendency to change depending on what the drama of each episode demands, and some characters are frustratingly single-minded, but that final scene of this season: uber depressing, which means it was uber awesome! I have no idea who the final cylon might be.
Performances I liked:
Mary McDonnell


Breaking Bad
Network: AMC
I don’t know what’s going on at AMC, but I like it. Malcolm’s dad becomes a meth dealer and madness ensues. This show has one hell of a dark streak (the episode where a body is dissolved in acid was especially gruesome). And I’m glad to see Aaron Paul finally get a decent role. The season finale lacks the punch that I’ve come to expect from such episodes, but that was due to the writer’s strike. Violence? Drugs? Sex? More, please.
Performances I liked:
Bryan Cranston
Aaron Paul

Fringe
Network: Fox
It’s really just a jacked up CSI. Mad science used to solve mysteries with the ongoing promise that there is a deeper mythology lurking. There are a few episodes that lend to the bigger mystery, and I think these are the strongest since the more formulaic episodes suffer from too much repetition. The first episode in particular had some iffy character development. John Noble’s character can be too much of a joke, but then he lets some dark aspect of his son’s childhood slip out. Some of the plotting is contrived, but the final episode galvanized my interest, and I will continue watching in the next year.
Performances I liked:
John Noble


It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Network: F/X
One of my favorite moments of the year is watching Charlie and Dee discuss whether or not it’s racist to want to eat a white dude rather than a black dude. Tackling the big issues. “Dude, stop pulling out your teeth!” It also features one of my favorite songs of the year. “This Boy’s Hole” Or “This Boy’s Soul” depending on who’s singing it. In fact, I was a little sad when the season ended. In a deal like the one ABC made for LOST, Sunny has been guaranteed 39 more episodes over the next three years. Plenty of time for somebody to give Charlie Day an award. My favorite character on TV right now.
Performances I liked:
Charlie Day
Danny DeVito
Glenn Howerton
Rob McElhenney
Kaitlin Olson


LOST
Network: ABC
This season, the show totally delivered on what it had been promising. A growing, all consuming arc, batshit crazy plotting, and backstories that confirm some of the survivors are not there by chance. We even got a brilliant influx of new, mysterious characters (Jeremy Davies’ single shot flashback has inspired me with a theory regarding his character’s significance.). We finally have some real, menacing villains. Kevin Durand’s Keamy in particular was a brilliant addition – towering over the rest of the cast and committing one of the most shocking acts on the show to date. I believe this season also has the highest body count of recurring characters. And all this in the face of a writer’s strike that cut the season down the middle. My parents are now watching the show, and I assumed they were completely confused about everything at this point, until one night my mom expertly explained the long complex history between Desmond, Penny and her Father to my brother.
Performances I liked:
Naveen Andrews
Henry Ian Cusick
Jeremy Davies
Kevin Durand
Michael Emerson
Jeff Fahey
Yunjin Kim
Ken Leung
Terry O’Quinn

Mad Men
Network: AMC
I liked the second season even more than the first. The show got into the lives of some of the lesser executives more, and pondered relentlessly on a time of massive change in American society. There isn’t a lot of nifty plotting. Instead, the rewards are all in the immense details, and the ironic eye of almost fifty years of history. Mysterious pacts, unwanted pregnancies, and afternoon rapes.
Performances I Liked:
John Hamm
Christina Hendricks
January Jones
Elisabeth Moss



Primeval
Network: BBC America
Fringe-lite. But far more fun. This show suffers from some truly bargain basement special effects, but it makes up for its shortcoming with an enjoyable cast and twisty mythology. The show has only begun to touch on the dangers of time travel, but I can see some insane elements falling into place.
Performances I Liked:
Andrew-Lee Potts


Reaper
Network: CW
Only a few episodes aired in 2008, but they pushed the story forward ably. The demon rebellion, revelations about the missing pages in the contract, and real looming darkness. Still just the slacker dude Buffy, but it’s fun as hell.
Performances I liked:
Ray Wise

Skins

Network: BBC America

Teens being bad. Each episode focuses on a different character. The main character is the Machiavellian (and sexually confused) Tony who manipulates his closest friends for his own personal entertainment. The show rotates from comedic running gags to dark shocking moments. I absolutely ache for each of these sad, frustrated characters. It's a little too soapy at times, but the performances make up for it. 

Performances I liked:

Mike Bailey
Joe Dempsie
Mitch Hewer
Nicholas Hoult
Hannah Murray
Larissa Wilson


TV Shows I Watched, But Was Disappointed In


Fear Itself
Network: NBC
Like most recent horror anthologies, a lot of the episodes lack a real punch. I’m inclined to blame this blandness on the fact that it airs on a broadcast network. But some episodes were actually creepy, and it was shockingly graphic for NBC. Still, most episodes were not scary at all and relied on a last minute twist that defied all logic.

Generation Kill
Network: HBO
In typical Simon style, characters sit around, waxing poetic about their lives (so deep, man), while bitching about their jobs. And Ziggy was still way too obnoxious. But this anti-glorification of all things soldier is much batter than the propagandish Band of Brothers. And that final shot is creepy.
Performances I Liked:
Alexander Skarsgard
Billy Lush


Gossip Girl
Network: CW
Curiosity got the better of me, so I netflixed the first season. I was hoping for something trashier and more vile, but it really is just rich people crapping on everybody. That being said, the main guy (you know, the “lower class” guy) was immensely likeable. And after a while, I started to appreciate the Machiavellian Chuck.
Performances I Liked:
Penn Badgley
Ed Westwick

Heroes
Network: NBC
What the fuck is going on?! Despite culling actors from both Veronica Mars and The Wire, this show has become too frustrating and convoluted to endure. I like the look and style of the show, but the plot is indecipherable. At least Kristen Bell’s character is dead now and I can quit watching.

Pushing Daisies
Network: ABC
Still too cutesy and whimsical, but immensely watchable and fun. Visually and tonally distinct. As the ongoing story gets more and more complicated, it becomes better and better. The network has already dropped the hatchet, however. With only three episodes left (rumored to be burned off sometime soon), there is no way the story will get a satisfying resolution.

Robin Hood
Network: BBC America
Still kind of lame, but the series really fucked with the legend in the last few episodes, and rumor has it the last episode of the third season will kill off Robin. And yet, it will continue without him? It looks like I’ll be watching the third season – and then I’m done with this show!
Performances I liked:
Richard Armitage

Swingtown
Network: CBS
Boring. For CBS, it was damn risqué. For any other network, watered down tripe with no drama or style.


True Blood
Network: HBO
It started off okay, then got boring, then was pretty good, then ended okay again. It was never scary, and the dialogue was too exposition-heavy, but that title sequence is goddamn awesome. And the short stretch with Stephen Root was fantastic.


The Wire
Network: HBO
Too much McNulty. Too much plotting that is way on the nose. Too many new characters to grate on my skin while the characters I like get the shaft. The most frustrating part: when McNulty steps out of his car to look at the city and has a montage. I roll my eyes at you.


Shows I Regret Not Watching

Dexter – I enjoyed the first season, but neglected to catch the second or third. And rumor has it, they are both pretty good.

Friday Night Lights – A few episodes played earlier in the year, but for the new season, it moved to Direct TV. Since I do not have access to Direct TV, I cannot see you Friday Night Lights.

In Treatment – I didn’t even hear about this show until it was well into its debut season, but it airs four or five times a week. A week! For someone without Tivo or HBO, I’m pretty much going to have to wait for DVD here.

The Shield – I only recently got through the fourth season (which was pretty lame), but I’ve heard the final season was fantastic and the finale mind-blowing. I can’t wait to work my way through the last (gulp) four seasons.

The Venture Brothers – I watched the first two seasons on DVD this year. What an amazing show. Random scattershot inappropriate humor? Check. Shout outs to my favorites shows as a kid (namely Jonny Quest, Scooby Doo, Superfriends, etc)? Check. A deep, expanding cast and mythology? Check. How have I not been watching this show all along? Sadly, I only watched the first two seasons after the third had aired.

Miracles

Miracles

A horror series that aired on ABC in 2003.

The Set-Up: Daddy-obsessed, Church-sanctioned miracle investigator Skeet Ulrich decides to take time off from the church – having lost his faith. He moves to the desert and gets a job building houses. He’s recruited for one last investigation. Tommy Ferguson, a kid who mysteriously heals people. The catch, every time the kid heals someone, he himself gets sicker.

Skeet is then in a terrible accident. As Tommy heals him, Skeet notices his own blood spelling out the words, “God is now here.” He is contacted by creepy table-thumping Angus Macfadyen and some chick whose name I don’t remember. He tells Skeet that six other people experienced the same thing – only they saw the words, “God is nowhere.” Skeet joins their non-profit (because no one ever pays them?) ghost-busting group called Sodalitas Quarito.

It turns out Skeet is “special . . . but he’s also vulnerable to things like this.”

Typical episode: Something really fucking weird happens. The gang is called in. Skeet flirts with a cute girl. The gang comes up with a theory for the weirdness. No one believes the gang. Somebody beats up Skeet. The gang realizes that they were slightly wrong about the supernatural weirdness and show up just in time to see the supernatural weirdness work itself out.

The style: Somewhere between The X-Files and Supernatural.

Typical Dialogue: “I think the dark is its own thing, too. I think it can do stuff. And sometimes I think it wants something.”

More Dialogue: “I wish I had an explanation for that, but I don’t.”

My Favorite Dialogue: “You ever hear a horse scream?”

Special Guest Star: Gloria Stuart. She’s really good in a mediocre episode. Wow, she’s old. And Shannon and Bernard from LOST.

My favorite episodes:

• 1.1 “The Ferguson Syndrome” The opening scene is uber creepy – setting up a dark, menacing atmosphere for the show. The cinematography is fantastic in this opening episode, and it is beautifully shot. None of the following episodes look half as good. Skeet gets hit by a train.
  
• 1.5 “The Bone Scatterer” I first saw this episode just after seeing Mysterious Skin for the first time. What a fucking depressing day. This episode might not be as good as I give it credit for, but I find it intensely effective. Chris Marquette is excellent in it. Skeet gets hit by the sheriff.
  
• 1.6 “Hand of God” Karl from LOST (“They’re coming right now! Whaaaaagh!”) saw the same message Skeet saw. Only his interpretation was a little different. This episode throws a subversive twist into the plot of the series. Even though I liked this episode, the direction was especially lazy and ordinary. Skeet gets hit by an iron.
  
• 1.11 “The Ghost” All the issues meshed into one episode for your convenience. Parent/child issue? Check. Someone’s faith is rewarded, but not? Check. And the direction in this episode is really good. Skeet gets hit by a lamp.
  

Special mention:

• 1.7 “You Are My Sunshine” is a poorly written episode. However, it has one of the funniest edits I’ve ever seen in a show. That one moment nearly makes up for the rest of the episode. Skeet gets hit by a girl.
  

My Least favorite:

• 1.2 “The Patient” Too much flirting, not enough ghost busting. Too many tinkling pianos. And the silly twist ending . . . gross. The guy who wrote this episode, also wrote my least favorite episode of Profit.
  
• 1.10 “Saint Debbie” Sample dialogue “There’s your miracle.” Ugh. The town people rally together. And perhaps the most inappropriate musical cue ever. Almost good, then completely botched.
  

How many episodes were produced? 13. But ABC has a habit of only airing 6 of any given one season wonder.

Was there much continuity? Almost all the previously-ons feature the same snippets of dialogue from the pilot – giving the illusion of serialization (“Everybody has a dad. I just never knew mine.”). In reality, there is very little continuation from one episode to the next. The first, sixth, and the final episodes are the only ones that directly deal with a larger “mythology.” The final episode only recalls the mythology, more than it deals with it.

Tommy vanishes for long stretches at a time. In the final episode, Skeet seeks help because he is being haunted by Tommy, but Tommy hasn’t shown up since episode three or four.

Skeet often claims he’ll keep in touch with someone, but they are never heard from again.

In “Hand of God,” Skeet is faced with the idea that it is his divine purpose to hunt down and kill four people. This is mentioned in passing only once more.

Why was it canceled? The Invasion – I mean liberation – of Iraq. As a result of the extensive coverage of the war, Miracles kept getting shuffled around. Supposedly, even avid fans couldn’t keep up with the airings.

Was there closure? The final episode gives closure to Skeet’s relationship with Dead Tommy, although I was unaware this was an issue until the last episode.

However, in the final scene of the series, there is a scene that “caps” the series off so to speak. It’s a cool development, but I have no fucking clue what it means. Clearly there was more to come.

Any unattended issues: Skeet never catches up with his daddy, whose significance is never revealed. And we never learn about the “darkness” or the final three that Karl from LOST was going on about.

What was the meaning behind Skeet’s vision(s)? We’ll never know, and since the show is generally ambiguous, I don’t feel the need to know. But clearly there was more to this mystery that is left blatantly undeveloped.

I’m left curious about where the show was planning to go.

The verdict:
Before buying this DVD, I did as much research as I could, since I didn’t want to buy some Highway to Heaven/Touched by an Angel knockoff , but with more blood. To the show’s credit, it’s not. It never comes down either way regarding God or religion. In one episode, Skeet awkwardly describes heaven to a child as a place where all the houses are filled with clowns. “But I don’t like clowns.” “Well, they’re really more like performance artists.” It’s mostly a monster-of-the-week kind of show, with faint developments here and there.

The pilot shares more than few qualities with Carnivale – including a rainstorm of blood. But after that, the series settles in for fairly predictable plots. The show is bleak and creepy most of the time, but as it progresses, it gets less and less stylish. Sometimes the show is compelling and eerie. Sometimes painfully trite.

The plotting is often a little lazy. Macfadyen’s dialogue is regularly ridiculous. The other chick in the group is kinda useless. Except she’s got a bullet in her head (mentioned only once) and she continually delivers the clunkiest, touchy-feeliest dialogue. Skeet mostly underplays his part – very well. Kind of a sleepy performance. Meanwhile Macfadyen comes off as a spastic shit in comparison.

The parent/child issues are omnipresent and help the show consistently tap into emotionally resonant mysteries. The show is often preachy, but not about religion and not in a way that’s out of character for the speaker. Ultimately, the show never breaks out of its formula, but it does subvert it nicely. It surprises me with how good it is, only to drop the ball and suck. Just when I give up on it, it gets good again. In the end, Miracles feels somewhere in the middle. It has strong moments, but overall, it’s a little weak. If more attention had been spent on the “darkness” subplot, it would have been a hell of a lot more interesting.

Miracles Prediction: I don’t know why this didn’t occur to me sooner, but clearly Skeet’s father was going to turn out to be one of those he would have to kill . . . probably.

Edge of Heaven

My Top Ten for the Year

So, all in all, a mostly terrible year for yours truly. Regardless, there were some days when I didn't feel like drowning in a pit of spiders. 

Here's my top ten good things that happened in chronological order:

1) When LOST came back on the air and it was totally awesome. My favorite show of all time. 

2) Good Friday. I was walking a long and a bunch of frat boys invited me in to smoke up and take drugs. Very fun. Previously documented here.

3) My friend's attempt at starting a marathon of Best Picture winners. It died out at 1937, but it was fun while it lasted. 

4) Meeting that dude Josh, who was a friend of Katie's. He was nice. I wish I had a friend like that dude, Josh.

5) Bonnaroo. Even though I went alone and the rain brought me down and my tent leaked, and my phone died and I was worried about my folks, it was still fun.

6) Watching Veronica Mars with my folks. I'm glad they liked it. I liked it too. 

7) Finishing that first draft of my script for my friend. I like to finish scripts.

8) Connor Oberst at the Ryman. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.

9) Obama wins. Woo-hoo! I cried. 

10) Meeting that chick that I totally fell for after meeting her only once. Beautiful, smart, interesting, and she got me. 

Sadly, there was a lot wrong with this year as well. For one thing, I haven't made any new close friends - although that dude from the screenwriting group seems to like me. Here's my top ten worse moments of 2008:

1) My birthday. Half of the few friends I had refused to associate with the other half. So when people actually tried to hang out with me on my Birthday (at eleven at night!), they had to be separated out. My friends suck. Also, one friend forced me to watch Die Hard or Live Free for my birthday. My friends suck. And my family took me to some fish restaurant only because you eat for free if it's your birthday. Lame. All of them, lame. 

2) The "Oscar Party"  Only a few friends were there. Not like the events it used to be in the past. It made me wonder, were there other Oscar Parties going on that I wasn't invited to. Everyone knows my obsession with movies and the Oscars. Seriously. 

3) Saturday Morning at Bonnaroo. My phone was dead, it was rainy, I was alone, my tent had collapsed. I was down. I mean everything was at its lowest. Apparently, someone I know saw me at that time, but didn't say anything until a week later. I could have used a familiar face, asshole!

4) Walking home one night at four in the morning, I passes a bunch of houses where people were hanging on their front porches, laughing and playing guitar and drinking. That's what I would like to do. I would like to have friends to do that with. That late at night. People do it. I'm not that alone on this!

5) The script rewrites. I knew writing the script that not much would come of it, but the brick wall I hit during the rewrite phase was really disheartening. The worst was when I knew that even less would come out of the script than I expected. I'm not going through that again. 

6) When It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ended. It was like saying good bye to a friend. I know it will be back next year, but that show is fun, and I have very little fun in my life. 

7) Halloween. Just as useless and disappointing as ever. Nobody called. Nothing happened. And it was even on a Friday night. 

8) When I realized that chick was never going to get back to me. A real downer. I was all excited about meeting her. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong. 

9) Thanksgiving. I sat in the other room watching TV while my asshole family gossiped about me. I can hear, you know. 

10) getting a ticket for running a stop sign at one in the morning. What the fuck ever! 

So that's my year. Pretty lame. I've tried to meet people through various means. Right now the only community I have is on user comment boards. Next year has to be better . . . Right?

Six Feet Under

LOST

Five Easy Pieces

The Venture Brothers

"My looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night."

                                      -Dr. Venture, The Venture Brothers

Elephant

Netflix

This week, Netflix will be shipping to me from:

Louisville, KY and 

Duluth, GA

They are repeating themselves. 

Donnie Darko

Fallen Angels

"I thought what she had with Johnny would expire soon. But as it turned out, my expiration date came up first."

                              -Takeshi Kaneshiro, Fallen Angels

Sheriff Lamb, RIP

"I'm sorry about the Sheriff, but he was a smart aleck. "

                                      - My mom's eulogy for Sheriff Lamb when he got brutally beaten to death on Veronica Mars. 

Day Break

Day Break

A sci-fi /mystery series that aired on ABC in 2006.

The Set-Up: Detective Brett Hopper (Taye Diggs) wakes up next to his girlfriend. Sees a bird at the window. Hears the dump truck collecting trash. Knocks a dish off the sink. He reads in the paper that the assistant district attorney is found dead. He is then arrested for said murder and held without bail. That night, someone comes into his cell, drugs him, and kidnaps him. They show him a video of his girlfriend’s being murdered and imply the same thing lies in store for his sister and her family unless he takes the fall. They inject him with something. He passes out.

He wakes up next to his girlfriend. Sees a bird at the window. Hears the dump truck collecting trash. Knocks a dish off the sink. He quickly figures out that something is fucked up. He tries to keep one step ahead of the police and those creeps who kidnapped him with what little knowledge he has. He soon learns that the murder of the assistant district attorney runs deep and he can trust no one.

As he continues repeating the same day over and over, Diggs tries to unravel the mystery while eluding all the different factions trying to stop him. Every change he makes at the beginning of the day, affects something later in the day. It's a little like watching someone else play a video game. Only not suicidally dull.

Same day. Different shit.

Typical episode: Diggs wakes up. He races off to his intrigue-filled day. He discovers various secrets about everyone he thought he knew. He learns that someone he could once trust is capable of betraying him, or vice versa. He tries to change the day and solve the mystery. Something he has done has an adverse effect, or reveals something previously unknown. Boom! Day Break.

The style: Groundhog Day times The Big Sleep with a sprinkling of 24.

How many times does he repeat the same day? By my count, 59 times.
At my count of 18 days, Diggs says it has been three weeks. He could have been approximating.

Typical Dialogue: “I don’t have time. You always end up helping me in the end. Can we just skip to that part, please?”

More Dialogue: “If I get here earlier tomorrow, I might be able to help her.”

Most Repeated Dialogue: “For every decision, there is a consequence.”

My favorite episodes:

• 1.1 “Pilot” This thing comes flying out of the gate with a barrage of information, asides and references that will all become clear later, but only after keeping very close attention. The pace is fast and takes no prisoners. I especially like how Diggs’ gloves come off after only the first day.
  
• 1.6 “What If They Find Him” This episode focuses on Damien more than most. Maybe the funniest episode of the series. The day starts changing. Good thing too. It was starting to get too familiar. The editing kind of implies that Diggs dies in this episode – in a funny way, but he doesn’t. That would violate the rules.
  
• 1.7 “What If He’s Not Alone” Jared is a sad, contradictory character. Could all this be the result of an anomaly in the temporal lobe, leading to “hyper active déjà vu?” A clever mindfuck suggests not. This episode flirts with the sci-fi implications more than the others.
  
• 1.10 “What If He’s Free?” I really like the episodes with quick days where Diggs tries various approaches as he tries to overcome one particular obstacle. Bonus: The ending is super duper depressing.
  
• 1.11 “What If He Walks Away?” The opening montage of super hero calls is awesome. Then, the emotional toil of the day comes into play. “You’re not the same person I went to bed with last night.”
  

Least Favorite:

• 1.5 “What if They’re Stuck” Too many tinkling pianos. Too much Adam Baldwin. Other than that, it’s solid.
  

How many episodes were produced? 13. Only six aired on television.

Is there much continuity? There’s an excess of continuity. We often see the same scenes repeated over and over – altered slightly depending on what Diggs has accomplished during the day. Eventually, Diggs figures out what everyone is doing at what time of the day and plans his actions accordingly.

And there is a lot to keep track of. For example, something that’s mentioned in episode 3, won’t be elaborated on until episode 10.

To further complicate things, everyone but Diggs reboots everyday. Meaning that the writers have to keep track of what everyone knows or doesn’t know at the beginning of every day, despite what they may have learned in previous episodes.

Why was it canceled? Low ratings. Its labyrinthine plot and over-saturation of promos certainly didn’t help. The first episode had 10.6 million viewers. The sixth episode had 3.1 million. Ouch. Meanwhile American Idol, Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives continue to dominate the ratings. Damn you, America!

Was there closure? The mystery is solved. Diggs is cleared. Damien and Diggs kiss and make up to a pretty sax solo. There’s a pillow fight. A few deaths. The actual physical final confrontation is a little weak (i.e. not half as exciting or suspenseful as any final confrontation in Veronica Mars), but the answers are satisfying. Alas . . .

Any unattended issues: . . not all the bad guys are caught.

Plus, there’s this issue, where Diggs keeps repeating the same day over and over. That’s never explained. Diggs suspects it may have to do with a drug he’s given the first day, but he continues repeating the day even when he doesn’t get the drug. And that goofy final shot reminds the viewer that this was never resolved.

How is it that characters sometimes feel affected by what happened in previous versions of the same day?

The verdict:
Watching the show over the course of a few days rather than a few months makes it much, much easier to keep track of all the different threads. The show was created by some dude named Paul Zbyszewski. Cleary he set out to create a show as complicated as his last name. He succeeded. After The Prisoner and Nowhere Man, this is third show I’ve watched recently where a lone man is investigating a vast conspiracy. Other than that, the show is like no other.

The writing is smart, dense, and sardonic. Like LOST, every name has literary significance. (My favorites are Lloyd the bartender and the Santayana Club.) Information unfolds at a quick rate, and only occasionally feels overwhelming. Even the DVD extras are dense (There’s 13 episodes and 15 commentaries.) The nifty ticking sound effects-driven score keeps the tension taught, even if it is a little too unrelenting. Taye Diggs gives a great performance that’s equally intense, funny and later. flattened. In early episodes, Diggs feels adrift in a giant sea of mystery. As a result, the show feels like it’s spinning its wheels a little in the beginning. But once he finally starts making headway, the show takes off. Not that it’s ever boring.

The show is often grim. Nearly every character dies at least once. Many, more than once. And the family issues run deep.

On the other hand, I really hate Adam Baldwin. He always plays smug, macho jerks with no redeeming qualities. He doesn’t play funny jerks, or scary jerks. Just smug jerks. If everyone would stop casting him, that would be okay with me. And because of the nature of the show, a lot of episodes run together.

This is a show I had been looking forward to buying for a while. A crazy experiment of a show. I had heard the showrunners would discuss their plans for future seasons, but I find no such conversation on the DVD. Granted, I haven’t listened to every commentary track. Still, an excellent purchase.

Day Break has cult classic written all over it. It answers enough questions to feel complete, and leaves enough unanswered to invite speculation from fans.

Belleau Wood

"For just one fleeting moment, the answer seemed so clear. Heaven's not beyond the clouds. It's just beyond the fear. No, Heaven's not beyond the clouds; it's for us to find it here."

                                                Garth Brooks, Belleau Wood

Holiday Delousing

Every year, I make my non-traditional, somewhat depressing, anti-Christmas album. 

This is it this year:

1. Macy's Day Parade by Green Day

• The disillusionment of the holiday, a reference to Christmas as the Night of the Living Dead.

2. Christmas with Jesus by Josh Rouse

• As I understand it, this song is about a husband who cannot relate to his wife's religion, and Christmas becomes a symbol of that.

3. Riu Chiu by the Monkees

• An old Spanish carol. I have no idea what it means.

4. Yule Shoot Your Eye Out by Fall Out Boy

• An unusually angry sentiment for a Christmas song. 

5. The Night Santa Went Crazy by Weird Al Yankovic

• Less goofy than a lot of his songs, this one is extremely violent. I think the chorus should be replaced with the chorus of Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  Anti-Santa.

6. Millie Pulled a Pistol on Santa by De La Soul

• A very depressing song about girl abused by her father. Bad things happen at Christmas, too, folks. Disillusionment. Anti-Santa.

7. If We Make it Through December by Merle Haggard

• I like this song because there's no Christmas miracles. 

8. California Dreamin' by the Mamas and the Papas

• This song continues the theme of #7. I also appreciate the verse about going to church for warmth and nothing else. Loneliness of the holiday.

9. Winter Wonderland by Phantom Planet

• This song is a control song of sorts. Other than snow, there is nothing about this song to suggest it is about Christmas, yet it's a Christmas classic. So why can't California Dreamin' be a Christmas classic? 

10. Fuck Christmas by Fear

• This song speaks for itself. 

11. I Won't Be Home for Christmas by Blink 182

• Not a blink fan, but I like the line "You people scare me." 

12. Lonely Christmas Eve by Ben Folds

• It characterizes Christmas as a weapon. Loneliness of the holiday. 

13. Back 2 Good by matchbox twenty

• A song about loneliness that has always reminded me of Christmas. Not the intention of the song, but hopefully, in the context of the mix, its inclusion makes sense.  Loneliness of the holiday.

14. Christmas Sucks by Tom Waits and Peter Murphy

• Self-explanatory. My favorite line, "The stripper in my bed is ugly and fat." Loneliness of the holiday.

15. Santa Can't Stay by Dwight Yoakam

• A song about domestic violence. It's all upbeat and bellsy, but the subject matter is depressing as hell. Anti-Santa.

16. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus by Stand Still

• A subversive take on an irritating classic. Anti-Santa.

17. Fairytale of New York by the Pogues

• A song about the disenfranchised on Christmas. 

18. Bizarre Christmas Incident by Ben Folds

• A song about the death of Santa. There are cussy words in this one. Anti-Santa. 

19.  It Doesn't Have to Be This Way by Jim Croce

• Another loneliness classic. Heightened by the holiday.

20. I Heard the Bells on CHristmas Day by David Bazan

• I do like the peace on Earth sentiments of Christmas, even if no one believes it. Peace on Earth.

21. Shouldn't Have Given Him  A Gun for Christmas by Wall of Voodoo

• A song about Christmas violence. A very catchy.

22. Belleau Wood by Garth Brooks

• The most sentimental song on here. About soldiers in World War I temporarily suspending the fight. And even though I know this wasn't the intention, I love the atheist sentiment at the end. Peace on Earth.

23. Christmas Night of Zombies by Mxpx

• It's zombies, dude. A follow-up to #1.

24. St. Stephen's Day Murders by Elvis Costello

• A song about killing your family on the day after Christmas.

25. A Long December by the Counting Crows.

• The loneliness of the holiday. 

26. Forget December by Something Corporate

• Disillusionment of the holiday. 

27. Silent Night / Seven O'Clock News by Simon and Garfunkel

• And excellent way to subvert a classic and end the mix. 
  

A Warning to All About the Upcoming Season

Christmas: The time of year when massive cults roam the Earth recruiting others into their army of oppression thru colorful decorations, sappy music, sentimental appeals to the soul, and the following propaganda:

The Bishop’s Wife
An Angel wanders down from heaven and teaches someone a lesson about love and Christmas.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Angels, Christmas Miracles, i.e. The Happy Supernatural
What it Teaches us: Atheism equals bad. Don’t be atheist.


A Christmas Carol (1951)
Spirits invade a man’s bedroom in the middle of the night and teach him a lesson about respecting others.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Crippled Children, Scrooge Himself, The Happy Supernatural.
What it teaches us: “Bah Humbug” gets you a one way ticket to Hell! God bless us, every one.


A Christmas Story
Even a dysfunctional family comes together on Christmas and finds love.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Santa Claus, Christmas Trees, Children, Presents, etc.
What it teaches us: Guns make kids happy.


Home Alone
A kid left alone for the holidays befriends a creepy old man and shit.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Family, Church, Christmas Miracles
What it teaches us: People will go to see the stupidest movies.


It’s a Wonderful Life
A man spends his life saving people, hugging people, dancing with people, marrying his high school sweetheart, but then is miraculously talked out of committing suicide by an angel.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, angels, Christmas Miracles, Christmas Trees
What it teaches us: If the copyright on your movie expires, everyone will say it’s a classic.


Love, Actually
Lots of people scramble about during the holidays finding love and shit.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Christmas songs up the ass, marriages, hugs, divine intervention from Rowan Atkinson's jewlery salesman/angel to unite two young lovers (approximately eight years of age) in a relationship that will undoubtabley survive even the most Christmas-less of times.
What it teaches us: According the most cynical character in the movie: Christmas is a time for being with the ones we love. Thank you, Richard Curtis. Thank you.


Meet Me in St. Louis
The original lyrics for “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
It may be your last
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Pop that champagne cork
Next year we may all be living in New York.
No good times like the olden days,
Happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us no more.
But at least we all will be together
If the Lord allows.
From now on we'll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Christmas Songs, Christmas Miracles.
What it teaches us: New York apparently sucks.


Miracle on 34th Street
A young atheist girl is touched by an old man and learns that there is a Santa Claus.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Santa Claus, Christmas Miracles.
What it teaches us: Atheism equals bad. Don’t teach your children skepticism. Teach them about the love of Santa Claus.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
A skelaton kidnaps Santa Claus and turns Christmas into Halloween.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Santa Claus, Presents, Kids.
What it teaches us: Even Halloween must bow to the power that is Christmas!

The Polar Express
A little boy is abducted by Tom Hanks and forced to sit on another man’s lap.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Santa Claus, Reindeer, Children, a song about Hot Chocolate
What it teaches us: Santa Claus is real. Totally. Would we lie to you?



The Preacher’s Wife
It’s the Bishop’s Wife, but with black people.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Angels, Christmas Miracles, the Happy Supernatural.
What it teaches us: Black people celebrate Christmas, too.


Santa Claus: The Movie
A dude becomes Santa Claus and . . . I can’t remember. Dudley Moore is in it.
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, Santa Claus, fake-looking Reindeer, homeless children, presents.
What it teaches us: Believing in Santa Claus equals the embodiment of the Christmas Spirit.



Also beware of the following “Special Presentations”:


The Bells of Fraggle Rock
Some bell must be rung and if it isn’t, everyone will freeze to death. Merry Christmas.


The Brave One
Mary goes to Bethlehem on a special ass.


A Charlie Brown Christmas
Linus quotes the Bible and miraculously enables others to grow leaves on dead trees.


A Chipmunk Christmas
Alvin cons a harmonica from Mrs. Claus and uses it to cure a kid of cancer or some other terminal illness.


Frosty the Snowman
A magical hat makes snow do creepy shit.


How the Grinch Stole Christmas
If twenty minutes of cutesy rhyming isn't enough, rent the full length version directed by Ron Howard.


John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together
As if Christmas songs weren’t shitty enough. Now Muppets are singing them.


That McDonald’s Commercial
The kids are ice-skating but the one kid falls down and Ronald McDonald shows him attention. Buy some shitty burgers, kids! Merry Christmas!



Mickey’s Christmas Carol
It’s A Christmas Carol, but worse.


Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Being different is fine as long as you have the Christmas Spirit and are eager to please.


The Smurfs Christmas Special
Satan can be defeated with happy music.


A Star Wars Holiday Special
Life Day. Learn it. Live it. Love it.


Yogi’s First Christmas
Two hours of anthropomorphic animals singing Christmas songs!



Awesome-sounding movies I have not yet seen:

Christmas Evil
Night of the Comet
Santa Claus (1959) [In this film, Santa joins forces with Merlin to defeat Gay Satan.]
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Silent Night, Deadly Night




Recommended Christmas Movies:

The Apartment
Christmas Icons Present: Loneliness, booze, attempted suicide.


Bad Santa
Christmas Icons Present: Booze, little people, blood soaked plush toys.

Better Off Dead
Christmas Icons Present: Attempted suicide, snow, presents.


Black Christmas
Christmas Icons Present: Escaped lunatics, bloodshed.


Die Hard
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, terrorists, machine guns.


Eyes Wide Shut
Christmas Icons Present: Secret organizations, naked CGI people, christmas trees.


Go
Christmas Icons Present: Ecstasy, Gay People, Strippers, Guns.


Gremlins
Christmas Icons Present: Chaos, a story about how some chick’s dad died.


The Ice Harvest
The best Christmas Present? Getting the fuck out of town.


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Christmas Icons Present: Guns, gay people, sex.


Ordinary People
Christmas Icons Present: Malls, psychiatrists.

The Ref
Christmas Icons Present: Dysfunction, guns, decapitated dolls.


The Shining
Christmas Icons Present: Snow, an axe.


Stalag 17
Christmas Icons Present: Nazis, fierce beatings, an “Is that gay” Christmas Morning.




Very Special Christmas Episodes:

All in the Family (Edith’s Crisis of Faith)
Edith’s transvestite friend gets beaten to death and Edith finds Christmas silly.


Six Feet Under (Pilot)
The head of the family gets killed by a bus and Nate’s mom guilts him into staying at home until he dies.


Tales of the Crypt (And All Through the House)
An escaped lunatic teaches a family about the joys of Christmas – No, I mean he teaches them how to die. My bad.


Whoops! (Say It Ain’t So Santa)
Santa reveals that when the bombs went off, he accidentally locked Mrs. Claus and the Elves outside the bomb shelter because he is so unfamiliar with how to work a doorknob. Thusly they all died. Ho, ho, ho.



Resist the propaganda.

Rejected

"It lives in my head and sings of criminal behavior."

-Don Hertzfeldt

The Book of Daniel

• 
  

The Book of Daniel

A family comedy/drama that aired on NBC in 2006.

The Set-Up: Via lots and lots of exposition, we learn that Daniel (Aidan Quinn) is an Episcopalian priest with a dope-peddling daughter, gay republican son, adopted Chinese son, and a Vicodin addiction. His wife is an alcoholic. His African-American maid is crusty but benign. And his father is an old school, conservative bishop. One day he discovers that the church fund has been drained by his brother-in-law, whose wife turns out to be bisexual. D’oh! Quinn goes to a Catholic priest/mafia godfather to track him down. Quinn gets advice from hippie Jesus who appears only to him. Religious/gay wackiness ensues.

Typical episode: Quinn pops some Vicodin. Someone holds hands. Quinn’s wife fixes herself a drink. Jesus appears and says something sardonic or hokey. Something wacky and edgy happens – involving one or all of Quinn’s children. Don’t forget, Peter is gay. Someone remembers the past as a piano tinkles. Characters share a laugh. Ellen Burstyn rips Quinn a new one in a loving way. Someone says something ignorant and bigoted. There is a family chat and everyone tells everyone else that they are loved. A piano tinkles again. There’s a soapy twist.

The style: Six Feet Under diluted by Desperate Housewives.

Typical Dialogue: “Now, do we know any more about the stolen church funds? I mean, has anybody even questioned your sister-in-law about her embezzling husband and the extramarital affair he had with the woman who might possibly have murdered him?”

More Dialogue: “ Dan, it is impossible. You will never lose me. Maybe to a flower shop.” [Laugh, kiss, hug.]

More Dialogue: “Don’t live in the past. Learn from the past. Live in the present with God. He’ll get you back on track.”

Typical Jesus Dialogue: “I’m not a fortune teller.”

Favorite Episodes:

All the episodes kind of run together. No episode feels any different from any other episode. None focuses on one character more than any other. None advances the plot more than any other (other than the pilot). And none subverts any of the conventions of this particular genre in any way. 1.7 “God’s Will” is the only episode that sticks out, and due to its over-reliance on montages set to a sappy, maudlin version of “Time After Time” (among other crimes), I can’t really recommend it.

Least Favorite:

1.1 “Temptation” This show sucks. Exhibit A.
All the rest of the episodes.

How many episodes were produced? 8. Only one aired in Nashville.

Is there much continuity? It’s very soapy. But certain traits are dropped when the writers seem to forget about them.

Why was it canceled? Christian groups were offended by the idea of TV Christians being fallible or TV show creators being gay. They should have been grateful somebody in prime time was going to church at all! At any rate, they nipped that in the bud.

Was there closure? A few things are dealt with. Peter finally comes out to his grandfather – ending eight episodes of wacky misunderstandings. And Peter gets back together with his Jewish ex. But Quinn’s supposedly dead brother-in-law is still alive and we don’t know how he faked his death or who else is involved in the money-laundering silliness he left in his wake.

Any unattended issues: In the final scene of the last episode, there are a few desperate grabs at drama. Quinn learns that his brother is in bed with the mafia, and Quinn’s adopted Chinese son has gotten a white girl pregnant. And then you was canceled, bitches! Break out the martini classes!

The verdict: Let me describe a scene for you. In the episode “God’s Will,” a mafia contractor has arranged for Quinn to come face-to-face with the redneck who gay-bashed his son within an inch of his life. As Quinn grabs the redneck and yells at him, a mug reading “World’s Greatest Dad” falls off his desk in slow motion and shatters on the floor. Quinn then weeps in the corner, blood on his knuckles, and the previously mentioned version of “Time After Time” plays (for the fifth time this episode!) over another montage of his family hugging because Peter (the gay son) has come out of his coma. That is the show in a nutshell.

This show is awful! Aidan Quinn steals Mel Gibson’s wide-eyed muttering act. There is little actual drama – no matter how much everyone overreacts. Absolutely nothing here feels real or honest. Nothing! Everyone is a clichéd caricature.

A Christian group called Focus on the Family described the show as being full of “behaviors almost universally agreed upon as unhealthy to society.” These behaviors include drawing comics, using a condom, having a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex, talking to Jesus, using pain relievers, building schools, grieving for a child who was lost to cancer, having feelings for someone other than your Alzheimer-stricken spouse, getting into politics with a uterus, smoking pot to relieve diabetic pain, and drinking martinis in the afternoon. Yikes. No one on this show even struggles with their faith. No one. They are all fucking Christians. And I suppose they are all going to heaven. Somebody give them a goddamn medal!

The cast is seasoned enough (Ellen Burstyn for Christ’s sake!). But the delivery! The direction was too pedestrian. There were too many elements designed to “push the envelope” without providing any resonance. The tinkling piano never lets up. It’s as subtle as a shit monster. And every episode boils down to a chat on family values in a modern world at least ten years behind the time.

I really just bought it because I can’t fucking stand Christians and their telling me what I can and can’t watch. Fuck you, Christians!

My Brother's DVD Collection

My Brother now has his DVD collection at my parents house. It is enormous by comparison.


Casino Royale
Diamonds Are Forever
Die Another Day
Dr. No
For Your Eyes Only
From Russia with Love
GoldenEye
Goldfinger
Licence to Kill
Live and Let Die
The Living Daylights
The Man with the Golden Gun
Monk (Season 1)
Monk (Season 2)
Monk (Season 3)
Monk (Season 4)
Moonraker
Never Say Never Again
Octopussy
On Her Majesty's Secret Service (His least favorite)
Reba: Season One
The Spy Who Loved Me
Thunderball
Tomorrow Never Dies
A View to a Kill
The World Is Not Enough
You Only Live Twice

and M*A*S*H (Season 1)

Nowhere Man

Nowhere Man

A sci-fi series that aired on UPN in 1995 -1996.

The Set-Up: Photojournalist Thomas Veil, played by Bruce Greenwood, goes out to dinner with his wife. He heads to the bathroom for a smoke and when he gets back to his table, she’s gone. His credit cards don’t work. The locks have changed. Not even his dog recognizes him. And when Veil does catch up with his wife, she is shooting him one damn cold stare. He soon figures out that “they” have erased him because of a picture he took. Veil escapes, but has nowhere to go and no one to trust. He must now follow various clues while trying to elude “them” in an attempt to get back his life and making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

Typical episode: Greenwood is desperately following some lead while keeping a low profile. He stumbles onto a mystery with esoteric sci-fi implications. He meets someone. They seem really nice until they offer to help Veil by taking a gander at the negative of a photograph he took called “Hidden Agenda.” There is a blatant romance-of-the-week strategy to this show. He witnesses something freaky. He discovers “they” are involved. He leaves behind his ally/betrayer to an unsure fate and moseys on down the road. He knows not where he’s going to.

A la X-Files, there are two kinds of episodes. The more anthology/existential ennui episodes, and the episodes that seem to push the mystery forward. However, you rarely know which kind it is until the end of the episode.

The style: The Prisoner divided by The Fugitive times The Incredible Hulk.

Typical Dialogue: “You’re supposed to see the tricks, not the mirrors . . . Everything they give you, they can take back. Everything you thought you had, you don’t. Absolute zero. Bottom line., Gentle Jack”

More Dialogue: “It’s not science fiction, and you wouldn’t be talking to me right now if you thought it was.”

Typical Lame Narration: “As I learned, there was more – or maybe less –to this haven than met the eye.”

Most atypical exchange: “I’m a photojournalist.”
“Oh, cool . . . Have you ever taken Julia Roberts’ picture?”
“No, no. I’ve never met Julia Roberts.”
“Oh, yeah. Me, neither . . . but it would be great, though, don’t you think?”

My favorite episodes:

• 1.1 “Absolute Zero” A highly compelling beginning to the series. Director Tobe Hooper brings a mysterious and even funny creepiness to the proceedings. Paranoia unleashed. A bit overstuffed, but it certainly gets the point across. It’s all downhill from here.
  
• 1.8 “The Alpha Spike” This episode is the best example of what series creator Lawrence Hertzog was going for. It does nothing to further the overall mystery. It is simply an excuse for Greenwood to uncover some Organization-sponsored sci-fi shenanigans. A brilliantly satirical (and frightening) musical number. This episode makes a correlation between high school education and brainwashing. My favorite episode of the series by a mile.
  
• 1.9 “You Really Got a Hold on Me” Thanks to a great performance by Dean Stockwell, this episode is fairly emotionally stirring. Stockwell plays a man who has been in Greenwood’s shoes for thirty years. And it has taken a hell of a toll. A fucked-up way to do the right thing.
  
• 1.13 “Contact” This paranoid episode introduces a few key aspects -- including an unseen ally to Veil from inside the wide reaching Organization. One of the few episodes that really furthers the plot and contributes to the series as a whole.
  
• 1.22 “Calloway” A very disconcerting episode. The stakes are raised. Not only does this episode move the mystery forward, it gives the whole thing an urgency that wasn’t there before.
  

Least Favorite:

• 1.7 “A Rough Whimper of Insanity” They make a huge deal out of rudimentary Internet functions. By 1995, it wasn’t that mysterious. And the virtual realty schtick? Awful! And the main guest actor is fucking terrible. This whole episode gives me a tumor. The title of the episode is an anagram for information superhighway. This episode is really, really bad.
  
• 1.11 “An Enemy Within” Greenwood is injured in a tiny town with no phones or hospitals or electricity and must be nursed back to health by sexy single Maria Bello. An evil corporation is taking over the town and wants to take Bello’s farm. While he’s hanging around anyway, Greenwood inspires the town people pull together to fight the corporation. Bello becomes twitterpated. They flirt and kiss and have sex. Wasn’t your wife one of the things you were trying to get back, Mr, Veil?
  

How many episodes were produced? 25.

Is there much continuity? Sometimes. Ultimately, the concept itself doesn’t add up logically. It might be more plausible if Veil led an isolated life, but he seems to be a well-respected sociable person. Surely there’s someone that “they” haven’t gotten to that knows him well enough to believe him and help him. There are too many unexplored areas of his life.

Sometimes, he’s carrying the negative on him. Sometimes he has it hidden somewhere. It just depends on what the plot demands.

The show skirts a serialized strategy in favor of a more anthology-like approach to things. As a result, there’s very little sense of the bigger picture mystery coming into focus. Each revelation feels too disassociated from each revelation that came before. As a serialized mystery, it’s not successful. But that was never the intention. Show creator Lawrence Hertzog confesses that he never intended to answer all the questions raised in the pilot and doesn’t even know the answers himself. He goes on to express frustration that the network tried to force him to answer some questions by the end of the season. He just wanted each episode to be, “an allegory for the human condition, etc., etc.”

During the last half dozen episodes, there is a network-imposed story arc that actually moves the story forward and builds from episode to episode.

Like the Prisoner, the episode order creates a barely detectable character arc. In the beginning, Greenwood is lost in a sea of existential ennui. Later, he becomes more pro-active and occasionally succeeds in disrupting the Organization in some small way.

With the final revelation, the diary he mentions at the beginning of every episode suddenly becomes a plot hole.

Why was it canceled? Supposedly, the fledgling UPN network decided it wanted to focus its attention on comedies, so Nowhere Man was not renewed for a second season despite decent ratings.

Was there closure? The series ends with a very big revelation that had been fairly obvious for the last five episodes. Clearly the show runners were anticipating a second season and the finale was meant to send the show in a new direction. But it’s a revelation that creates more questions than answers, and frankly I don’t think the writers would have been able to step up to the challenge. All that would have changed would be the expository dialogue that Greenwood gives whenever he interrogates someone.

Any unattended issues: Loads. I still don’t know what the hell was real and what wasn’t.

The verdict: Wildly uneven. Frequently confounding. Constantly humorless. The storytelling is very confident, but it still doesn’t make a lot of sense sometimes. Clearly the writers were flying by the seat of their pants. Greenwood’s performance is lacking charisma. He’s a little too everyman, when he should be exceptional.

Thanks to Mark Snow’s creepy score, the ending of each episode highlights the eeriness of the show. But without real continuity in the mystery, it’s impossible to get invested. The show is not even that good at sustaining an atmosphere of paranoia. Greenwood continually gives his name as Tom Veil and never changes his appearance – isn’t he trying to hide? Dude, grow a beard or cut that floppy hair!

The formulaic plots get old. It becomes increasingly easy to guess what’s going to happen by the end of the episode.

It’s impossible to watch this show without thinking of The Prisoner. Veil is even called Number Six in one episode. Many episodes rip off the plots of Prisoner episodes. From the doppelganger episode to the broadcast hypnosis episode, to the manufactured reality episode. Hertzog himself refers to the show as a less cerebral version of The Prisoner. Sadly, this show also lacks the humor and the style of The Prisoner. And while Six was always an agitator, Veil is a survivor who never really stands for anything. He doesn’t have a point-of-view. And the show itself is just too vague. An intriguing experiment of a show that never broke out of its mold enough to make an impact.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"Who is this versus?"

-Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

The Prisoner

The Prisoner

A sci-fi series that aired on BBC in 1967 and CBS in 1968.

The Set-Up: A newly retired secret agent is kidnapped and finds himself in . . . “The Village.” The Village is a community of brainwashed citizens who go only by numbers. Number Six, our hero, remains a holdout to the various techniques designed to break his rebellious spirit. His primary foe: an ever-revolving chain of Number Twos. Each Number 2 has a degree in mindfuckery. If anyone swims too far into the ocean, or wanders too far into the woods, “Rover” is unleashed. Rover is a giant white, screaming ball that bounces through the streets and suffocates those who break the rules. Some citizens of the Village are friends. Some are foes. And Number Six himself is unsure if the Village is “ours” or “theirs.”

Typical episode: A three-minute opening sequence lays out the plot – revealing the kidnapping and some typical esoteric dialogue between Number Six and the New Number Two.

Number Six wakes up in the morning and paces furiously around his apartment. Number Two watches from a surveillance room where two men on a rotating seesaw stare silently into black boxes. Number Two reports to someone on a clunky cordless phone while his faithful but mute dwarf butler pours tea. A deception is put into action. Someone contacts Number Six. He assumes they are a foe. Number Six then concocts his own plan and disrupts the establishment as best he can.

In the end, Six’s disembodied head flies at the camera and is prevented from bouncing into my living room thanks to some carefully timed bars slamming shut on the screen.

The style: Danger Man plus The Fugitive divided by Lost times Looney Tunes. Or Fantasy Island gang-raped by Dr. Strangelove and The Twilight Zone. Or perhaps The Smurfs through Grouchy Smurf’s eyes.

Typical Dialogue: “I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own. I resign.”

More Dialogue: “The mountain can come to Muhammad.”

Typical Village Propaganda: “Questions are a burden to others. Answers a prison for oneself.”

Most Spoken Dialogue: “Be seeing you.”

My favorite episodes:

• “The Arrival” McGoohan wakes up in the Village. Number Two shows him around. He sees the creepy big white screaming ball that suffocates people. The bizarre, offbeat style and twisted sense of humor are established immediately. Every ally he comes across is most likely working against him. He is completely on his own. This show is the ultimate in paranoia, isolation, anti-authoritarianism, misanthropy and off-the-wall weirdness.
  
• “The Chimes of Big Ben” One of the more sadistic episodes. Perhaps the closest the bad guys get to ascertaining what they need from Number Six. This episode drives home that he can trust no one. When Number Six catches onto their scheme and limps away – having been dealt a crippling blow – is one of my favorite moments.
  
• “A, B, and C” Number Six is really starting to get the better of those in charge at the Village. Another of my favorite moments: when Two watches the doors open on the monitor, and the camera pans to the same door – expecting Six to walk through. Trippy, man.
  
• “It’s Your Funeral” The first sign of dissention in the ranks. Some actual suspense. And Kosho, that weird sport with the water tank and the trampolines.
  
• “A Change of Mind” Six is declared “unmutual” and “disharmonious.” This particular mind fuck is more commonly called the silent treatment. And getting the shit beat out of you. There’s a room just like Room 23 on LOST. This episode celebrates misanthropy.
  
• “Hammer into Anvil” Six gets his own degree in mindfuckology. And I do believe he’s been studying under Bugs Bunny.
  
• “Living in Harmony” This show is so goddamned weird. At this point, you have to go along with it. A western? Sure, why not? This episode did not air in the U.S. supposedly because of the drug use. But there is a persistent theory that the pacifist message of the episode (during the Vietnam war no less) was the real reason it was pulled. After all, it’s hardly the only drug-fueled episode. Bonus: McGoohan runs really funny.
  
• “The Girl Who Was Death” The missile is the lighthouse itself!
  
• “Once Upon a Time” Sample dialogue from this episode: “Pop goes the weasel” “Pop.” “Pop.” “Pop.” “Pop, Pop.” “Pop, Pop, Pop.” “Pop. Pop. Pop.” “Pop Protect.” “Protect?” “Protect Pop.” “Pop.” “Protect other people.” “Protect other . . .” “People’s own protection.” “Protect other pop.” “Protect other people!” “Why?” “Pop” “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” “Pop” This exchange has been shortened for your sanity. The whole episode is like this. Who writes this? It’s like watching some drug-induced lunatic’s therapy. Awesome.
  
• “Fall Out” The cinematically insane New Wave techniques of sixties filmmaking makes its way to British television. Now *this* is rebellion. An absolutely ludicrous set-up with little to no real-world logic. The conversations run in circles. Characters break into songs. The masked jury/assembly breaks into dance. “Give it to me, man! Give it to me!” It’s the Marx Brothers on acid. The “judge” even gives a speech evaluating the different kinds of rebellion. “Revolt can take many forms . . .” “Youth rebels against an accepted norm because it must . . .” And finally, “revolt contributes nothing to our culture and must be stamped out.” The assembly caters to Number Six in another effort to break him. They concede that he is a true rebel, but they don’t plan to truly let his rebellious nature win out. Machine guns blaring to the sound of “All You Need is Love.” (How much did the music rights for this DVD set cost!?)  No answers are given to the mysteries inherent in the show. Only allegorical insanity. No preachiness (because there is no real-world conceits being rebelled against). Anarchy!
  

Least Favorite:

• “Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling” An information-heavy episode, but without Patrick McGoohan. Lame. Half clip show. Half contrived suck-ass.
  

How many episodes were produced? 17. According to one website, the only show with only 17 episodes. I doubt that.

Is there much continuity? Not really. The show even acknowledges this in its structure. A different actor plays Number Two in nearly every episode. And even when Six seems to find a reliable ally, they never appear again.

The rules for the Village change from episode to episode. An election for Number Two takes place early on, but later, the position seems to be appointed. Sometimes there’s a curfew, sometimes not so much. This can all be conveniently explained through the mysterious nature of the Village.

There are three possible locations that Six determines for the Village – all in completely different places. Actors playing one part will often show up later playing a different role. A common practice before IMDB or DVD. That particular suspension of disbelief is rarely practiced these days without fancy wigs to disguise the actors (see Deadwood and Veronica Mars).

Despite this, the viewing order as determined by the DVD set very much follows a clear line of character development. Early, Number Six encounters failure after failure. Unable to escape the Village and remaining a step behind Number Two. Initially, Six takes the direct approach in attempting to ascertain information from his captors. By the end of the series, he is regularly undermining the administration – even if he isn’t escaping. He is bringing them down from the inside. The episodes also grow steadily stranger in this viewing order.

Why was it canceled? The stories abound. According to most reports, McGoohan only wanted to make seven or eight episodes in the first place. The network wanted 26. 17 was the compromise.

Was there closure? Yes and no. The ending is completely intentional. However, rather than answering key questions, the show ultimately tosses those questions out the window and breaks down into a mass of insane anti-narrative.

Any unattended issues: Legions of fans thought so. McGoohan famously had to disappear to avoid the threats and complaints from fans who felt they had been ripped off by the series finale, a notoriously controversial episode. I, on the other hand, fully appreciate the bizarre non-sequitor ending.

According to Wikipedia, co-creator George Markstein envisioned a different ending. One with an actual explanation. There was no mention of why Markstein relented to MGoohan’s nuttiness.

The verdict: One of my favorites. Despite numerous attempts to rip off the series, The Prisoner remains unique. The plots are barely comprehendible at times. The style is absolutely of its era. And the dialogue is baffling. Without McGoohan’s inspired performance, the show would crumble under its own lunacy.

There is a common theory that Number Six is the same character McGoohan played in Danger Man. The weakest argument for this theory is Number Two’s referring to Six as “Drake,” his character’s name from Danger Man. However, most agree that Two says “break” rather than “Drake.” The best argument involves Christopher Benjamin portraying a character named Potter in both Danger Man and The Prisoner. McGoohan expressly claims they are not the same character despite this.

There is a calculated misanthropy to the series. It is anti-authoritarian. Pro-individual. Anti-community. Even McGoohan’s most genial greetings reek of disdain. I love it for its anger, black sense of humor, and general weirdness.

Recently, there have been rumblings of an update. BBC tried to revive the series. And Christopher Nolan has routinely expressed interest in making a feature film. If they ever do make a movie, I hope they consider casting Pierce Brosnan because a) he would be ideal at the smirking nonchalant style required, and b) it would be fun to speculate that double-o-seven had been taken down a notch to number six.