A Clockwork Orange

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Crimes and Misdemeanors

Greg the Bunny

Greg the Bunny

A puppet sitcom that aired on FOX in 2002.

The Set-Up: In a world where puppets (or fabricated Americans) and people coexist, there is a children’s show called Sweetknuckle Junction. Unemployed Greg the Bunny convinces his roommate, Seth Green, to get him a job at Sweetknuckle Junction, where Green’s father works as a director. Green’s father is played by Eugene Levy. Sweet wittle Greg gets a lead acting gig along side some seasoned, less innocent puppets and performers. Among them Shawshank Redemption’s Bob Gunton, Count Blah, Warren Demontague, and Tardy the Turtle. Network producer Sarah Silverman oversees the production.

Typical episode: Disharmony sweeps through the set of Sweetknuckle Junction. Sweet wittle Greg the Bunny attempts to rectify the situation, but only exacerbates it. Eventually, everyone makes up and all is fine again. Along the way, there are jokes about puppets having sex with people.

Typical puppet dialogue: “I think I just tore myself a new one.”

Typical human dialogue: “Talk about a g-spot. He found the whole damn alphabet.”

Guest stars who appeared on the show: Gary Oldman and Corey Feldman. If that doesn’t define the divided nature of the show, nothing does.

My favorite episodes:

• 1.8 “Jimmy Drives Gil Crazy” This episode puts to rest the recycled plot of Seth Green not getting along with his father, Eugene Levy. It is during this episode, I finally started to find some of the jokes funny. It delved into some childhood traumas and gave Corey Feldman a job for a week. Some sample dialogue:
  
• * Greg: “Corey Feldman! I thought you were in rehab!”
  
• * Corey Feldman: “That was Corey Haim.”
  
• * Greg: “What did I say?”
  
• No matter what progress this episode makes with the funny, it turns sappy at the end.
  
• 1.11: “The Jewel Heist” I found this to be the first (and only) consistently funny episode of the series. Seth Green starts dating a girl with a vicious dog. Greg and the dog don’t get along. It features a paint ball subplot. A lot of shows I like utilize “the paint ball episode.” Why is that? Where did this trend start?
  
• 1.13 : “Blah Bawls” This episode focuses on Count Blah, who is apparently mourning the death of his wife (first time that’s been mentioned on the show). Meanwhile Warren can’t get over his ex-wife (again, news to me). I like this episode because A) It focused on the puppets and their lives, B) it features Tardy the Turtle more than most episodes and C) It was the last.
  

Least Favorite:

• 1.1 “Welcome to Sweetknuckle Junction” The first episode is clumsily executed. It sets up the contrived story of how Greg joins the show. It barely shows the other puppets. And it just isn’t funny. Besides, all the following episodes seem to operate under the conceit that everyone has been working together for a long time. Like there’s a long history between them.
  

How many episodes were produced? 13. Only eleven aired.

Is there much continuity? No. Each episode reboots. Issues that existed in one episode are gone in the next. Greg has a mad crush on Dottie in only a single episode. Green’s crush on Silverman exists for two. Conflicts only arrive long enough to be dealt with by the end of each episode. And characters will change their entire personality from one episode to the next.

Around episode seven, Greg’s button eyes are replaced with more realistic eyes. No one seems to notice.

Why was it canceled? According to Wikipedia, the show runners couldn’t decide what direction to take the show in. I can definitely see that on the DVD.

Was there closure? None. There is nothing to close.

Any unattended issues? N/A

The verdict: This show feels like a fake show. It obviously longed to be more adult, but remained firmly planted in bland sitcom territory. It falls back on its obvious allegory too much without being clever. It is sporadically funny, but most of the characters are too inconsistent to create any running jokes or connection with them. It moves back and forth between toothless satire and broad slapstick. Too many jokes are overly punctuated. And the canned plots don’t help it any.

The best thing on the DVD is a home movie/short film called “Tardy Delivery ” starring the underused Tardy the Turtle. Tardy, who only started getting screen time about half way thru the series, was by far my favorite character on the show. Always sweet with an awesome laugh/scream. If the show had been about Tardy (“Crayons taste like purple”), I might have liked it. As it is, the show is dull as hell.

Veronica Mars

"Veronica Mars has accused me of Evil. My day is complete."

-Logan Echolls, Veronica Mars

Movies That Should Be on DVD

There are very few movies that are not available on DVD, - particularly classics and the like. In my obsessive quest for movies that I should own, I have discovered more than a few that remain strangely elusive here in the States. Here is a list of some of the movies that aren’t on DVD, but should be.

At least, I would buy them if they were.


Ace in the Hole (aka The Big Carnival) directed by Billy Wilder

• This movie has never been released on VHS or DVD. I have a copy, but I want a better, more legit, copy that I can show off. One of my favorite movies by Billy Wilder. Really dark and cynical. Kick ass final shot. Huge flop when it came out. The studio renamed it with a happier title and re-released it. Didn’t work.
  
• UPDATE: Finally, Billy Wilder will be getting the Criterion treatment when they release this movie on DVD in July.
  

Andy Richter Controls the Universe

• I only saw a few episodes back when it was on TV. I would have kept watching but it kept disappearing and coming back. I remember it being very surreal. Only 19 episodes were made over two seasons, so it wouldn’t be an expensive DVD.
  
• *Update: Andy Richter will control the universe once more one March 24th.
  

The African Queen directed by John Huston

• Considered (by some) one of the best movies of all time. It’s directed by John Huston. He rocks. So does Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart. I remember some cringe-inducing nonsense, though. And rear screen projection. Not the fun cheesy kind, but the let’s hope no one notices kind. Then again, I guess it’s hard to raft down rapids with movie stars and get a descent shot otherwise. Plus, I remember Bogart taking his shirt off. He’s awesome and all, but I don’t need to see that.
  

Chimes at Midnight (aka Falstaff) directed by Orson Welles

• I have never seen this movie, but really want to. Supposedly, Orson Welles thought this was one of his best movies. As usual, he was screwed over by the powers that be. Does anybody have a copy of this?
  
• * I now own this on bootleg DVD via a birthday present.
  

Cul-de-Sac

• I have not seen this movie by Roman Polanski. I generally like him – before he started directing Hallmark Cards about the Holocaust. I am curious.
  

The Damned directed by Joseph Losey

• I haven’t seen this one either. Sounds very cool. Pre-apocalyptic. I think there are motorcycles and mutants in it. And incest.

The Dead directed by John Huston

• The last movie he ever directed. I tried to watch it on TV once. I fell asleep. It is supposed to be really good. I would like to watch it while I am awake.

Deep End directed by Jerry Skolimowski

• This movie sounds crazy. Young men having sex with older women and death is involved somehow. And water. He doesn’t have sex with death and water, I don’t think. Just the older woman. Supposedly the ending is a real downer.
  

The Heiress directed by William Wyler

• I generally do not like movies by William Wyler, but in this one, there is almost no sentimentality. His impersonal approach makes this the best anti-romance romance ever. Watch the shy wallflower become a vindictive bitch. It’s like Carrie, without the witchcraft and blood, but with period costumes and English accents. I have it on VHS, but since it rocks so hard, I want it on DVD.
  
• * This will be arriving on DVD on February 6th, just in time for some anti-valentine viewing.
  

If… directed by Lindsay Anderson

• None of Lindsay Anderson’s best movies are on DVD. Why? This is the only one I’ve seen, though. It’s about a really bad boy at a boarding school. I have a very, very bootleg VHS. Where is the Lindsay Anderson Collection?
  
• * I now own this on DVD via a birthday present.
  
• UPDATE: Criterion will be releasing this movie on DVD in June depsite recent real life events.
  

Island of Lost Souls directed by Erle Kenton

• The original film version of the Island of Dr. Moreau. Are we not men!? Charles Laughton is goddamn crazy. Whips. Creepy bestiality. Bela Lugosi as a hybrid. Oh, yes, and the House of Pain. I want my House of Pain.

Lost Highway directed by David Lynch

• David Lynch actually released his short films on DVD before releasing this movie. I haven’t seen this since it opened in theaters, on opening day. I thought it was okay. I want to see it again. This particular movie being absent from DVD seems especially bizarre.
  
• March 25th Lost Highway hits DVD.
  

The Magnificent Ambersons directed by Orson Welles

• Considered one of the greatest American movies ever, and it’s not on DVD. Orson Welles got screwed when he was making it, and “they” are still screwing him. One day they will get their comeuppance! Their what? Their comeuppance!

Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures

• Ralph Bakshi gets his own Saturday morning cartoon and goes crazy with it. It predates the humor of Ren & Stimpy. Weird damn show. It got in trouble for showing Mighty Mouse sniffing cocaine (seriously). There was a villain on the show called the Cow. Villains with utters should not wear spandex!

Quatermass and the Pit directed by Rudolph Cartier

• I am referring to the 1958 TV serial. Apparently it’s really good. I haven’t seen any of the Quartermass movies. I should, but I hear this one is great. I know nothing else about it.

Santa Sangre directed by Andrew Jordowski

• That same nut who directed El Topo. This one has even more weirdness in it. As Buck will tell you, there are distribution problems with dude’s DVDs. Before we can see it, he must die. I am working out a plan. Anybody want to watch this and get stoned with me? Please provide movie and drugs.
  

The Smurfs

• Upon watching this as an impressionable child, I decided I wanted to live in a village with my friends and spend all day outside. Everyone would have a place to live, there would be food for everyone, and we could all practice alchemy. My parents abruptly took away my television and told me to get a job.
  
• UPDATE: The Smurfs Season One, Volume One will be hitting DVD on February 26th. Finally, I can get my smurf on!
  

Song of the South directed by Whitey

• I saw this when I was a kid. I have been racist ever since. I want to indoctrinate others. Come see the cartoon and the nice old man. So 'scuse me for sayin' so, but them who can't learn from a tale about critters, just ain't got the ears tuned for listenin'.

The Stepfather directed by Joseph Ruben

• Locke gets married and kills his whole family. Can this movie go wrong? I have never seen it. People are worried I will get ideas.

The Uninvited directed by Lewis Allen

• I have this on VHS. Very creepy ghost movie that never gets silly. Who’s this ghost in my house? What’s with the noise? I will investigate. And I don’t mean dumbass investigate like roam around the dark in my underwear, but go to the library and find out about the history of the house. The very final confrontation: kinda lame. Apparently ghosts don’t liked being yelled at.
  

Witchfinder General (aka The Conqueror Worm)

• This movie was the last movie directed by Michael Reeves before he committed suicide (or just mis-mixed his drugs) at the ripe old age of twenty-five. Michael was a disturbed young man. This is more than apparent in this movie. I taped it off of TV, but I want a widescreen DVD, damnit! Awesome ending. Torture and revenge up the ass! Vincent Price is not even hammy in it.
  
• UPDATE: Witchfinder General will be hitting DVD on September 11. What better way to celebrate the day than with a movie about witch-hunting, torture and swift revenge taken too far!?
  

American Beauty

Night of the Living Dead