The Book of Daniel

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The Book of Daniel

A family comedy/drama that aired on NBC in 2006.

The Set-Up: Via lots and lots of exposition, we learn that Daniel (Aidan Quinn) is an Episcopalian priest with a dope-peddling daughter, gay republican son, adopted Chinese son, and a Vicodin addiction. His wife is an alcoholic. His African-American maid is crusty but benign. And his father is an old school, conservative bishop. One day he discovers that the church fund has been drained by his brother-in-law, whose wife turns out to be bisexual. D’oh! Quinn goes to a Catholic priest/mafia godfather to track him down. Quinn gets advice from hippie Jesus who appears only to him. Religious/gay wackiness ensues.

Typical episode: Quinn pops some Vicodin. Someone holds hands. Quinn’s wife fixes herself a drink. Jesus appears and says something sardonic or hokey. Something wacky and edgy happens – involving one or all of Quinn’s children. Don’t forget, Peter is gay. Someone remembers the past as a piano tinkles. Characters share a laugh. Ellen Burstyn rips Quinn a new one in a loving way. Someone says something ignorant and bigoted. There is a family chat and everyone tells everyone else that they are loved. A piano tinkles again. There’s a soapy twist.

The style: Six Feet Under diluted by Desperate Housewives.

Typical Dialogue: “Now, do we know any more about the stolen church funds? I mean, has anybody even questioned your sister-in-law about her embezzling husband and the extramarital affair he had with the woman who might possibly have murdered him?”

More Dialogue: “ Dan, it is impossible. You will never lose me. Maybe to a flower shop.” [Laugh, kiss, hug.]

More Dialogue: “Don’t live in the past. Learn from the past. Live in the present with God. He’ll get you back on track.”

Typical Jesus Dialogue: “I’m not a fortune teller.”

Favorite Episodes:

All the episodes kind of run together. No episode feels any different from any other episode. None focuses on one character more than any other. None advances the plot more than any other (other than the pilot). And none subverts any of the conventions of this particular genre in any way. 1.7 “God’s Will” is the only episode that sticks out, and due to its over-reliance on montages set to a sappy, maudlin version of “Time After Time” (among other crimes), I can’t really recommend it.

Least Favorite:

1.1 “Temptation” This show sucks. Exhibit A.
All the rest of the episodes.

How many episodes were produced? 8. Only one aired in Nashville.

Is there much continuity? It’s very soapy. But certain traits are dropped when the writers seem to forget about them.

Why was it canceled? Christian groups were offended by the idea of TV Christians being fallible or TV show creators being gay. They should have been grateful somebody in prime time was going to church at all! At any rate, they nipped that in the bud.

Was there closure? A few things are dealt with. Peter finally comes out to his grandfather – ending eight episodes of wacky misunderstandings. And Peter gets back together with his Jewish ex. But Quinn’s supposedly dead brother-in-law is still alive and we don’t know how he faked his death or who else is involved in the money-laundering silliness he left in his wake.

Any unattended issues: In the final scene of the last episode, there are a few desperate grabs at drama. Quinn learns that his brother is in bed with the mafia, and Quinn’s adopted Chinese son has gotten a white girl pregnant. And then you was canceled, bitches! Break out the martini classes!

The verdict: Let me describe a scene for you. In the episode “God’s Will,” a mafia contractor has arranged for Quinn to come face-to-face with the redneck who gay-bashed his son within an inch of his life. As Quinn grabs the redneck and yells at him, a mug reading “World’s Greatest Dad” falls off his desk in slow motion and shatters on the floor. Quinn then weeps in the corner, blood on his knuckles, and the previously mentioned version of “Time After Time” plays (for the fifth time this episode!) over another montage of his family hugging because Peter (the gay son) has come out of his coma. That is the show in a nutshell.

This show is awful! Aidan Quinn steals Mel Gibson’s wide-eyed muttering act. There is little actual drama – no matter how much everyone overreacts. Absolutely nothing here feels real or honest. Nothing! Everyone is a clichéd caricature.

A Christian group called Focus on the Family described the show as being full of “behaviors almost universally agreed upon as unhealthy to society.” These behaviors include drawing comics, using a condom, having a monogamous relationship with someone of the same sex, talking to Jesus, using pain relievers, building schools, grieving for a child who was lost to cancer, having feelings for someone other than your Alzheimer-stricken spouse, getting into politics with a uterus, smoking pot to relieve diabetic pain, and drinking martinis in the afternoon. Yikes. No one on this show even struggles with their faith. No one. They are all fucking Christians. And I suppose they are all going to heaven. Somebody give them a goddamn medal!

The cast is seasoned enough (Ellen Burstyn for Christ’s sake!). But the delivery! The direction was too pedestrian. There were too many elements designed to “push the envelope” without providing any resonance. The tinkling piano never lets up. It’s as subtle as a shit monster. And every episode boils down to a chat on family values in a modern world at least ten years behind the time.

I really just bought it because I can’t fucking stand Christians and their telling me what I can and can’t watch. Fuck you, Christians!