SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS
Film: Disney’s Folly. This movie was a huge gamble for Disney. The entire future of his studio rested on this movie. A full length cartoon had never been before. Many thought audiences could not sit still long enough for a cartoon more than seven minutes long. But it was a huge success and kept Disney afloat for the next decade.
Plot: A pubescent girl spends her days singing about boys until one day a pedophile trespasses on her property and sings with her. Her guardian decides to do the world a favor and off the young girl, but the creepy hitman lets her go. The girl escapes into the woods where her fowl stench attracts every rodent for miles. With the animals trailing her, she breaks into a stranger’s house and, unable to contribute in any other way, cleans the shit out of the place. She then crawls into the beds of seven different men and waits for them. The men come home, leer at her, and force her to entertain them in an endless party while she cleans more and more. The next day, the guardian tracks down the girl and offers her a sweet apple. The rodents attracted by the young girl’s unrelenting stench, attack the guardian. The seven creepy men race home and chase the guardian off a cliff. The young girl, now in a coma, is incased in glass by the seven men who stare at her until the pedophile comes along and takes advantage of her while in her catatonic state. She comes to just as he abducts her.
Nature of Villain’s Death: Death by a fall caused by lightning.
Nature of Songs: Almost all the songs are meant to reinforce the status quo. From a girl’s longing to have a man take her away (”Some Day My Prince Will Come”, “I’m Wishing”) to the joys of work (“Heigh Ho”, “Whistle While You Work”, “The Hand-Washing Song”). And all the songs suck.
My Favorite Moment: The Queen’s transformation into a witch. Taken straight from Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, the dark imagery and foreboding score is the only source of menace in the entire movie. Although the witch’s kicking a bucket at a rotting skeleton is pretty awesome as well.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: When Snow White wistfully hypothesizes that the seven children who live in the cottage are orphans, a baby deer moves to its mother and they cuddle. I mean there’s telegraphing a point, then there’s rubbing it in. Then, beyond those things, there are moments like this.
Political Agenda: The movie very much plays up the traditional role of the woman as homemaker – waiting to be swept away by a man. The only actions Snow White takes is to clean, sing, stumble, and fall into a coma. She flutters around with her hands up, giggling and cooking and singing until her prince carries her away – that is when she’s not praying to God for people to like her. The Queen had the right idea. Any movie that dedicates ten minutes to watching characters wash their hands has a moral agenda that I can’t get behind. Dirty hands unite!
Competition at the time: This was the first full length animated movie ever - so there wasn’t any competition at the time. But it wasn’t long before Fleischer Studios put out Gulliver’s Travels – which is more than a little influenced by Snow White’s style and tone. And yet, as unwatchable as I find Snow White, Gulliver’s Travels is even more soporiphic.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: Almost immediately, Disney recruited the Seven Dwarfs to sell war bonds in various animated commercials and propaganda.
Verdict: It’s a lot like watching home movies by people who think they’re comedians – intercut with ominous Evil Footage from a different, better movie. Suffering through the Dwarfs interminable hijinks nearly drove me to tears. But it does look good. Revolutionary for its time, I can’t imagine a kid who would willingly sit down to watch it today and not get bored by the mere two dimensions and dated humor. It’s only dramatic when the Evil Queen is on screen. I am shocked every time it makes a list of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.
PINOCCHIO
Film: Snow White had proven a hug success, so Disney had few qualms about pouring great amounts of cash into his second feature. Unfortunately, thanks to World War II, the overseas market was gone. Even though it was the biggest domestic success f the year, it lost a great deal of money.
Plot: Old man makes surrogate child out of toy. It starts moving. Rather than killing the moving toy or the bugs that have infested it, the old man lets the toy loose in a town renowned for creeps with moving toy fetishes. The toy navigates this city of pedophiles until it gets swallowed by a fish that also happens to have swallowed the old man. They get out, but the toy has become a creepy real boy, who is then repeatedly fondled by the old man.
Nature of Villain’s Death: Ready for something really subversive? The villains –yes plural – in Pinocchio DON’T DIE. They live on – to terrify and take advantage of others.
Nature of Songs: Unlike Snow White, many of Pinocchio’s songs are highly subversive. From the songs about ditching work (“Hi-Diddley-Dee”) to songs about free thinking (“I’ve Got No Strings”) Is there a punk cover of “I’ve Got No Strings”? If not, there should be. But there are also songs reminiscent of Snow White’s vanilla moralizing and passiveness (“When You Wish Upon a Star”, Give a Little Whistle”) and allowing for fate to see you through.
I prefer the former songs.
My Favorite Moment: Lampwick’s transformation into a donkey. This scene is as scary as anything you’ll see in a horror movie. The fists morphing into hooves. The screams for “Momma!” morphing into squeals. The wild kicking. This scene is truly terrifying. The entire Pleasure Island sequence is frightening – down to the dark “blokes” who separate the talking donkeys from the not-so-talking donkeys. (“I want my mommie!”) How can this not be someone’s favorite moment!
Although the moment I most often quote is Jiminy Cricket’s incredulous reaction to the Blue Fairy’s suggestion that perhaps Pinocchio, now sporting a yard-long nose, is lying. “PERHAPS!?”
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Jiminy’s odd schtick near the beginning of the movie. “Well, you can’t please everybody.” He tries too hard to be funny and silly – essentially talking to himself for the benefit of the audience. Thankfully, once he has Pinocchio to talk through, he mostly drops this habit.
Political Agenda: The boys in Disney cartoons are universally more daring and dangerous than the girls. This movie openly acknowledges that a boy needs to be a little bad and experiment to grow up. It also eschews any romantic subplots in favor of danger and adventure. One of the darkest Disney movies. It contains real drama and danger.
Competition at the time: None that I know of. The only non-Disney animated movie I’m aware of in the next twenty years is Animal Farm.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: Jiminy Cricket went on to appear not only in short films (like Mickey’s Christmas Carol), but also another feature film (Fun and Fancy Free). Figaro would go on to appear in just over half a dozen short films himself.
Verdict: My favorite Disney movie. This was the first VHS tape I ever owned. I must have watched it fifty times as a nine-year-old. I know every word by heart and I love it. Every watered-down love story that followed has always felt trite and pathetic and toothless as a result. This is the gold standard.
FANTASIA
Film: Disney had a dream of creating a visual concert film. It was an artsy endeavor. Expensive with no idea of what kind of audience would show up. Well, like Pinocchio, it lost a lot of money. It was not until the sixties, when a generation embraced trippy art films like this and 2001 and the French New Wave, that this movie became truly popular.
Plot: The movie is purposely plotless and abstract.
Nature of Villain’s Death: Each sequence basically follows the same strategy. There is peace, something awakes and chaos runs rampant, but by the end, peace has reigned again. No villains really die. They just seem to retreat back to where they started – that is if there’s any villain at all. The only exception may be “The Rite of Spring” sequence in which all the dinosaurs go extinct due to a change in the earth’s atmosphere. Extreme heat, earthquakes, floods. Death is non-discriminating here.
Nature of Songs: All classical music with no lyrics – other than the Latin in “Ava Maria.”
My Favorite Moment: “Night on Bald Mountain” Chernabog (Bela Lugosi was used as a model for this character) wakes with the fall of night and summons all manner of creepiness to him. The skeletal spirits soaring over the town toward the mountaintop. Chernabog’s shadow spreading over the town – distorting it. His massive wings stretching across the sky. And the music. But specifically, there’s something about that moment when the women, dancing in Chernabog’s hand, turn into pigs and goats, and then into spacey-eyed demons, that absolutely gives me the chills.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: There are many. The final “Ava Maria” scene is pretentious and slow and embarrassing and makes me feel like I’m sitting through a church service. But even worse is anytime the Narrator attempts to explain a piece of music to the audience – especially when the narrator introduces us to the “soundtrack”. It’s too cutesy by half and far, far too condescending to the audience. That moment has aged poorly.
Political Agenda: To bring high-class music to the common folk. One of the boldest moments comes as the Narrator sings the praise of #science and evolution – even though he doesn’t use that word - when introducing the thrilling “Rite of Spring” sequence. If the movie were being released today for the first time, certain political groups would certainly raise a fuss. The movie definitely gives science (represented by “The Rite of Spring”) more weight than religion (represented by “The Pastoral Symphony”).
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: Disney attempted numerous knock-off sequels over the next decade, but did not launch an official sequel until Fantasia 2000.
Verdict: An ambitious and beautiful movie. Ahead of its time. Unique in its vision. A movie that is impossible not to respect. As with most anthology movies, some bits play better than others, but as an experience, Fantasia is excellent. Boring for some, thrilling for others, fascinating at least a little to most.
THE RELUCTANT DRAGON
At this time, Disney released a film called “The Reluctant Dragon”. And by “reluctant”, they mean gay, gay, gay. Also surprising is the strong pacifist message a few years into World War II. It’s pretty awesome, actually. It is not readily available on DVD, but it doesn’t matter. The movie is little more than a commercial for how the Disney studio works. Live action documentary footage peppered with short animated movies. The final short (“The Reluctant Dragon”) is the tent pole short, but it’s not even the most well respected in the group.
DUMBO
Film: Dumbo helped the Disney studios a great deal. It was cheap to make, short, and extremely popular.
Plot: A mother receives a deformed child. Prejudice from the community ruins the lives of the mother and son, but the child embraces his differences and eeks out his place in the world.
Nature of Villain’s Death: The villain is PREJUDICE. Prejudice never dies!
Nature of Songs: Mostly embarrassing. From the overly childish “Casey, Jr.” and “Pink Elephants on Parade”, to the typically-goofy-of-its-time “When I See an Elephant Fly”, little of the music has aged well. – although the Pink Elephants on Parade sequence has some stunning visuals. I really love the water parts with the inverted shadows. The only exception . . .
My Favorite Moment: “Baby Mine” I defy you to watch the scene in which Dumbo’s exceedingly sweet mother reaches her trunk through the bars of her cage to cradle her child and NOT be reduced to tears.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: The crows.
Political Agenda: Well, the movie is all about embracing those who are different. Despite looking different from everyone else, Dumbo has something to contribute to society. And yet, with the movie’s depiction of the crows, it rings a bit hollow.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: In the eighties, Disney produced a live-action children’s show called Dumbo’s Circus. Disney also planned a sequel around 2003, but scrapped it.
Verdict: An extraordinarily moving cartoon. As soon as one of the rude elephants labels young Jumbo “Dumbo” and the Dumbo’s mother reacts by shutting out the mean spirited elephants and cradling her child, the movie has completely seduced the audience. Its depiction of a mother’s love for her child is powerful stuff to be sure. The ending is abrupt and sudden, but satisfying. One of my favorites.
BAMBI
Film: This movie nearly bankrupted the studio. It required an attention to detail and an expansive set of characters that Disney simply could not afford at that time. At one point, an animal vanishes from the screen. This happens because there wasn’t enough money to continue animating the character. (NOTE: on the current DVD, Disney cuts away just before this happens. It’s still on my VHS though). After Bambi, Disney took a break from expensive features for seven years, licking its wounds and deciding how to proceed.
Plot: An animal is born. Animals traipse around the forest giggling and running and shit. Seasons change. Characters become more and more obnoxious.
Nature of Villain’s Death: No villain dies, but Bambi sends Rape Deer crashing into a lake.
Nature of Songs: Shit. They’re all shit. It opens with a sickly sweet song “Love something or other”. The “April Showers” song is unlistenable.
My Favorite Moment: Any scene involving man. Bambi’s mother gets shot by man – inspiring my own mother to criticize my family’s propensity for deer-hunting as “killing Bambis”. That scene is surprisingly tense and beautiful. There’s a real menace present anytime Man is around. The final push through the forest is the only real highlight of the movie.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: So much to choose from. Anytime any character opens their mouth should count, but I’m going to focus on that whole “twitter-pated” sequence. It’s set up by Friend Owl as akin to being possessed by body snatchers. I’m inclined to agree with this assessment despite how it all plays out.
Political Agenda: For one thing, the movie promotes an almost absurd reverence for all things patriarchal. On the other hand, “Man . . . was in the forest.” But all is well because in the end Bambi has – not one – but TWO kids. The more kids you have, the happier the ending. Procreate! Procreate! Procreate!
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: In 2005, they produced Bambi 2. I haven't seen it, but unless Godzilla destroys the forest, it's not worth my time.
Verdict: This movie coasts far too much on cutesy shit. Children saying precious crap. Copious amounts of time are dedicated to animals stumbling around the forest and laughing. We should show this movie to terrorists. Worse than waterboarding.
VICTORY THROUGH AIR POWER
Film: A propaganda film that was created to sell the idea of long range bombings in World War II.
Plot: A dubious animated documentary about the history of aviation and its role in warfare. A creepy Russian with a thick accent paces around a room explaining the importance of more bombs, more airplanes, more armies, more weapons, more, more more!
Nature of Villain’s Death: They get the fuck bombed out of them. And the Japanese Octopus gets scratched and pecked to death by an American Eagle.
Nature of Songs: A patriotic score.
My Favorite Moment: The eagle fights the octopus. The only bit of imaginative animation in the entire movie.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Bullshit swipes at anyone who disagrees with the thesis of the film. In particular, the criticisms of France is especially infuriating. Way to kick someone when they’re down, Disney. Classy.
Also, should we be taking orders from a RUSSIAN? Should we? Huh? HUH!?
Political Agenda: “We must produce a vast amount of weapons of endless variety . . . We must deliver this maze of equipment all over the face of the Earth.” Well, it’s a flat-out diatribe about the importance of long range bombings. The movie is hawkish and is dedicated to those who argued we should build up our armies – going all the way back to 1919, not just focusing on the WWII years. The movie glorifies air warfare in an effort to build up its danger and power, but there’s something eerie about how the narrator describes total defeat at the hands of Nazi air power. “It’s a question of who destroys who first.”
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: Disney hid this movie in their vaults for over sixty years. So not much raping. In fact, I would say Disney is a wee bit ashamed of this one.
Verdict: Pretty goddamn boring.
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