SALUDOS AMIGOS
Film: Licking its wounds from one expensive feature after another, Disney opted to go a cheaper route for the next few years. Anthology films. In this particular case, Disney was allowed Government money to go to South America and do research for a project. It turned into two projects. This very short feature and The Three Caballeros. It also earned quite a bit a bit of money in South America – an overseas market Disney needed since Europe was engaged in war at the moment.
Plot: A voice over narrates all the boring shit there is to do in South America. Donald Duck and Goofy fall down a lot.
Nature of Villain’s Death: N/A
Nature of Songs: Indigenous. Samba – inspired.
My Favorite Moment: The punch line to Pedro’s story. An anthropomorphized plane that risks his life to deliver the mail. The mail is important. His job is important. He flies through dangerous conditions and nearly dies. Upon delivering the mail, the voice over takes note of what’s in the bag Pedro is delivering. A postcard – in Spanish – that reads “Wish you were here.” “Well, it could have been important!” quips the Narrator.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Everything else.
Political Agenda: To glorify South America by apparently mocking it.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: A sequel of sorts was made just a year later.
Verdict: Crap.
THE THREE CABALLEROS
Film: Disney tried to replicate the success of Saludos Amigos. Instead, we got this critical bomb which Disney himself hated.
Plot: For Donald Duck’s birthday, he gets a lot of cheap shit, which serves as excuses to make up crazy shit about South America and Latin America. And Mexico.
Nature of Villain’s Death: N/A.
Nature of Songs: Alternating rhythmic and travelogue ballad. Samba dance numbers and “Brazil” itself.
My Favorite Moment: The post-modern narration of the flying Burrito is pretty awesome. The Narrator, an older version of the young man in the short, argues with his younger self – prompting him to do what the Narrator remembers. And the last few lines are a nice twist on one’s expectations of first person narratives in general.
I also dig the Arucuan bird – although it could stand to be a little anarchic or chaotic or destructive or something. Right now it just putters around like some Brechtian force of nature.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: The poor integration of animation and live action is sad. Also the dance number in the book/street is desperate in its need to entertain. It makes Brazil appear to be one big street party.
Also, the caricatures of Jose Carioco and Panchito are sadly typical in their sterotypes – sporting pistolas and spurs. They leer at women and hit every cliché imaginable. And it’s hard not to giggle every time they refer to themselves as “gay caballeros.” The Christmas-in-Mexico also makes me groan in its sudden earnestness. You know, this whole movie kinda sucks. This is strictly travelogue level shit.
Political Agenda: To make money by exploiting Latino talent.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: They mined footage from it to open DONALD DUCK PRESENTS, a Disney Channel shorts program in the eighties. And apparently, they brought the characters back for HOUSE OF MOUSE – whatever the hell that is.
Verdict: It’s kind of psychedelic. A head film. But lame and dull.
MAKE MINE MUSIC
Film: One of a handful of quasi-sequels to Fantasia. A much shorter anthology film of animated sequences based on music. Unlike Fantasia, most of the music is based on popular songs of the time rather than classical music - the exception being the “Peter and the Wolf” segment.
Plot: Some segments are highly literal – such as the “Casey at Bat” segment, which is Looney Tunes-lite in its exaggerated sports-themed slapstick. Some are frustratingly abstract.
Nature of Villain’s Death: The only villain is the wolf in the “Peter and the Wolf” segment, and he doesn’t die. I have no idea why not.
Nature of Songs: Unrelenting. It oscillates between sappy love ballads and bouncy nursery rhymes.
My Favorite Moment: I really like the wolf from the “Peter and the Wolf” segment. It’s legitimately creepy. And some of the shots are highly evocative – despite being undermined by some repetitive bits of animation and lousy comic relief. However, I think my favorite moment takes place during the jazzy “All the Cats Join in”. As a gaggle of teenagers in bobby socks race through the streets, they slow down just long enough to creep innocently past a police car.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: The “Without You” song is so dull and visually stiff that I can’t believe it even made the final cut. It’s as if someone spilled a bunch of watercolors and took photographs of the colors spilling and bleeding together into an ugly mess at random intervals.
Although the “Two Silhouettes” is worse. Pretty much exactly what the title says. The song is generic. The ballet dancing is sad and half-assed – even in silhouette form. The whole segment is amateurish. It’s not just filler, it’s an assault on anyone who gave this movie the benefit of their time.
Political Agenda: To bore everyone to death!
Competition at the time: Decency.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: As far as I can tell, they pretty much left this one alone.
Verdict: Some of the animation is bold and beautiful to look at in this film. But far too much of it feels like a cheap knock-off when compared to Fantasia, and how can you not compare? There are some stand-out segments (my favorite being “All the Cats Join In”), but there is far too much filler. It doesn’t take its time, but I’m thankful that it doesn’t linger any longer than it does.
FUN AND FANCY FREE
Film: The first of two movies Disney did that was basically two short films mashed together. In this case, the rather famous “Mickey and the Beanstalk” and the lesser known “Bongo”.
Plot: Jiminy Cricket breaks into someone’s house, goes through their books, plays with their toys, turns on their radio, then sneaks across the street and peeks in the neighbor’s window – where a decrepit man with two puppets tells stories to a early version of Jonbenet Ramsey. What a fucking creep.
Nature of Villain’s Death: The Giant from the “Mickey and the Beanstalk” section falls from a great height. However, he shows up again at the end of the movie – outside of the story. SO, I guess that nullifies the death.
Nature of Songs: Early on, all the songs revolve around being fun and fancy free in some form. “Fun and Fancy Free,” “Oh, What a Happy Day,” etc. Really, almost all the songs are like that. Even the Giant’s “Fee-Fi_Fo-Fum” song.
My Favorite Moment: There are a few. There’s a nifty moment near the beginning of the “Bongo” story. As Bongo finishes his act in the center ring of the circus, he backs out of the spotlight – waving and bowing and grinning. As soon as he enters the shadows, a shackle is clasped around his neck. Immediately, Bongo slumps down, defeated. A nicely heartbreaking twist.
Jiminy Cricket quips early on, “The end of the world’s been coming since nineteen hundred and three. That’s B.C. of course.”
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Most of the schtick of watching Bongo run “fun and fancy free” in the forest is awful. “Bongo was discouraged,” laments the Narrator. It’s dull and slapstick-tastic. But what’s worse is he becomes infatuated with a girl bear and chases her playfully through the forest. “This must be Heaven!” sings the Narrator. This followed by a montage of heart-shaped crap and pink clouds and every overreaching visual exclamation of love imaginable. He hasn’t actually spoken to this girl bear or anything, but HOLY SHIT! It’s LOVE! What follows is a tale of sexy domestic violence and alpha male posturing to win the heart of the girl while bears line dance. Ugh.
And THEN, we have to sit through Edgar Bergin’s ventriloquist act as they trade groan-inducing barbs. Makes me long for the days when W.C. Fields fed Charlie McCarthy to his alligators.
Political Agenda: The Bongo section is about how important it is to beat the crap out of a total stranger in order to win the heart of a much sexier complete stranger. Blech. The Mickey and the Beanstalk section is about how important magic is to maintain economic stability in the community.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: One could argue that the “Mickey and the Beanstalk” portion opened the door for more half hour Mickey Mouse stories. Almost forty years after this came “Mickey’s Christmas Carol” – which featured the Giant as the Ghost of Christmas Present and Jiminy Cricket as the Ghost of Christmas Past. Less than a decade after that came, “The Prince and the Pauper”. As far as I know, that was it.
Verdict: The “Mickey and the Beanstalk” section is miles better than the “Bongo” section, which is BEARly worth mentioning. Anything with Donald Duck losing his shit is a winner. There’s some decent action and comedy in the “Beanstalk” section (including the shot of Mickey riding the cork out the window). And since the characters are already established, and have actual personalities, it is much easier to care about the “Beanstalk” section. But ultimately, neither section does anything spectacular.
MELODY TIME
Film: Yet another anthology film of musically inspired short animations that tests the patience of the audience.
Plot: Bing Crosby opens a book, sings, rhymes, etc. He says it here; it shows up on the screen there. It goes on like this until Roy Rogers shows up. He then does what Bing Crosby was doing.
Nature of Villain’s Death: No such luck.
Nature of Songs: The songs during the “Johnny Appleseed” segment are infuriating. “The Lord’s Been Good to Me” “There’s a Lot of Work to Do” . It’s worse than fucking church.
My Favorite Moment: I guess the “Bumblebee Boogie” section, which is mercifully short. But I’m stretching to find anything about this movie to recommend.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Johnny Appleseed’s song about how good the Lord has been to him and he owes him so much. This particular religious attitude pisses me off – cause any rewards he achieves is not attained through hard work. IN fact, the absurdly colloquial narrator in “Johnny Appleseed”, and everything else about that section, just irritates me irrationally and makes my teeth ache.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: The “Johnny Appleseed” section was repackaged into Disney’s American Legends film – a collection of Disney shorts about American legends.
Verdict: They repeat a bit where someone is about to go over a waterfall and has to be rescued directly from the “Bongo” section of Fun and Fancy Free. In fact, the entire movie feels like a repeat. A distant, sad echo of the previous few Disney films. There’s even a direct callback short to The Three Caballeros. There’s far too much religious imagery – not just in the “Johnny Appleseed” section, but throughout. At the end of one section, a tree is framed to form a cross against the sky. A waste.
THE ADVENTURES OF ICHABOD AND MR. TOAD
Film: This movie is the second of Disney’s attempts to shove two longer short films together into a single movie. The reasoning behind this particular pairing is apparently based on the fact that both stories feature interesting literary personalities. This movie is a bit of a dry-run before jumping into feature-length story-telling once again with Disney’s next feature.
Plot: Books fly off a bookshelf – inspiring Basil Rathbone and Bing Crosby to narrate stories. The first, “The Wind in the Willows”, follows Thaddeus Toad as he goes from craze to craze – being irresponsible, breaking out of prison, etc.
In the second, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”, some skinny dude moves to town, uses the women to get food, then dumps them all for a local vixen who plays with men’s emotions. As he woos the girl, a sexy butch guy also vies for her affection. The men torture each other while the vixen encourages it. Then one night, the sexy butch guy vaguely threatens the skinny dude with a ghost story. That night, one jerk loses to the hands of another jerk.
Nature of Villain’s Death: The villain rides away. He gets married and lives happily ever after. It’s the hero that may or may not be dead.
Nature of Songs: I am so fucking sick of the Andrews Sisters harmonizing. Anyway, the songs in the first section are generally about being lackadaisical and impetuous and whatnot (“Nowhere in Particular”). The songs in the second section are more traditional – save for Bing Crosby’s “The Headless Horseman,” an upbeat song of death and ghostly revenge.
My Favorite Moment: The extended chase sequence between Ichabod and the Headless Horseman, one of Disney’s scariest villains. That shot of the Headless Horseman, rearing back on his horse. A sword in one hand, a flaming jack-o-lantern in the other. That shot is rivaled only by the shot of the flaming pumpkin flying at the screen. An honestly creepy segment that I love to revisit every Halloween.
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: Mostly it’s the lame music. 40’s pop is not something I love.
Political Agenda: Strangely, it is easy to interpret the agenda as might makes right. As Brom Bones seems to succeed in bullying Ichabod into leaving town.
A surprisingly dark ending for a Disney film.
Competition at the time: None that I know of.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: Most of the characters from “Wind in the Willows” were mined for “Mickey’s Christmas Carol”. And the weasels were later used in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Verdict: To be honest, Ichabod isn’t exactly a likeable character to begin with. He is only nice to others in order to get food from them. He steals. And he’s the kind of asshole that everything seems to come easily for. I always liked Brom Bones much, much more. Despite the fact that he’s clearly a bully who’s strategy to win the girl is to humiliate the other suitor. But he lays his cards on the table. Ichabod, on the other hand, plays innocent despite actions to the contrary. So it’s ballsy on Disney’s part to follow the story of two jerks fighting, and subverting the ending so that the apparently bigger jerk wins. Of course, none of the characters are likeable. Even the girl plays the boys ruthlessly – pitting them against each other. Audiences will most likely side with Ichabod since he’s the title character, since we spend more time with him than we do Brom Bones. But Bones is clearly the sexier, younger character. Anyone would be hard pressed to come up with why Ichabod should in the girl over any other character. Generally, all Disney heroes (Donald Duck being the obvious exception) are of such unquestionable goodness and righteousness, they should be dipped in bronze from the word go. Not here. Even the “Wind in the Willows” section portrays Toad as someone who is flawed, impulsive and has more than he deserves. But it is “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” that resonates the better. This section reduces the wooing of a girl to its most animalistic, basest actions. And for once, I like it.
CINDERELLA
Film: Disney’s return. After almost a decade of short anthology packages, Disney finally returned to feature length story-telling. Putting everything on the line once again, and it was a hit. The animation is not as involved or complex as Disney’s earlier features, but it looks spectacular.
Plot: Girl hates her family, but loves rodents. She hopes a man will come and take her away. She gets gussied up despite sibling rivalry. Thanks to magical intervention, she climbs around in fruit and dances with a dude who is the ultimate take-me-away-from-all-this-type. People try on shoes and ride away in a carriage.
Nature of Villain’s Death: She doesn’t die. The smirk gets wiped off her face, but that’s about it.
Nature of Songs: “So This is Love” “A Dream is a Wish You’re Heart Makes” “Bippity-Boppity-Boo.” Cutesy, sappy nonsense that I am absolutely sick of. There’s also a song called “The Work Song” about how fun it is to work. Who the fuck was writing this crap?
My Favorite Moment: The Evil Stepmother, in general, is pretty awesome. Her sneering from the shadows. Petting her pussy. “Hold your tongue!” She snaps wickedly The most obvious joke comes as she corrects her daughters on a point of grace, “Above all, self-control.” As someone knocks on the door, she slams her hands on the keys of a piano and snaps “YES?”. It’s a moment that works despite its obviousness..
Most Cringe-Inducing Moment: The opening song. I’m really really hating this mellow, Andrews Sisters-inspired harmonizing shit. Also, I hate the mice. Their cutesy voices. I want to stomp them!
I also cringe when Cinderella, rushing to meet her destined curfew, tells the nice young man that she has to leave because she hasn’t met the prince yet. Clearly, it’s a calculated moment meant to a) remind the audience that she doesn’t know she just spent the evening dancing with the Prince and b) illustrate how unselfish Cinderella is. She just wanted to dance with someone. Anyone. And for that, she is magically rewarded with wealth, a promising sex life, and escape from a life that the audience knows is wrong for Cinderella, even is she herself has come to accept it. How disgusting. Perhaps we should build a giant sculpture to celebrate her modesty. Would that be enough to satisfy the moral overlords? Keep your dreams reasonable and pure and you’ll be rewarded ten-fold.
Political Agenda: It’s best for women to be suffering ad quiet and meek. That way a dude will magically show up and take her away after only a single dance. No conversation needed!
Filler: The extended mice vs. cat scenes are Warner Bros-lite. And Lucifer is no Sylvester.
Competition at the time: Zilch.
How Has Disney Raped the Legacy of this Movie: A sequel was produced in 2002, and another in 2007.
Verdict: So far, both Disney heroines have attracted all types of vermin to them. What exactly is Dinsey saying about dames? Cinderella has considerably more personality than Snow White. She chastises the cat playfully and reacts with real affection and frustration toward her step-family. However, the step-sisters are so broadly drawn – even for a cartoon. The Prince, on the other hand, has no personality whatsoever. There is nothing shared between him and Cinderalla other than the dance. No wooing at all. So far, all love in Disney movies have been a matter of love-at-first-sight. Love is never unrequited. And love lasts forever. I honestly believe it’s a dangerous message to be reinforcing.
The conflict between the cat and the mice is frustrating. Why couldn’t they have infused the main characters with that much personality? Although the climactic scene in which the animals race to Cinderella’s rescue was well done. Disney would of course come back to this again and again.
But really, what is Disney saying about class? Cinderella is a girl who came from the upper crust, was reduced to being a servant, and then married back into the upper crust while the step-siblings are depicted as filth who are never worthy of the inheritance they chanced into. Apparently, if you’re born rich, you’re privy to your very own fairy godmother who comes in and helps you out whenever it’s fucking convenient for her. This movie reinforces the status quo through and through. It’s not just enough that only certain people have the right to see their dreams come true. But only certain people have the right to dream at all.
Ultimately, it is so fucking girly. I can’t take it. The look. The story. The stakes. It’s all girly shit. And I can’t imagine that many girls (or poor people) would put up with it. The story doesn’t warrant a movie that lasts more than twenty minutes. Disney padded it ruthlessly anyway. Unfortunately, rather than padding it with anything that fleshes out its human characters (you know, the characters that audience is asked to care about), it spends an inordinate amount of time with the comic relief – which is neither comical, nor relieving.
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