Night Stalker

Night Stalker

A supernatural mystery series that aired on ABC in 2005. It holds the distinction of being a one season remake of a one season original

The Set-Up: Stuart Townsend plays smug Carl Kolchak, an investigative reporter who works crime, but has an eye for supernatural reporting, a division that has been sorely neglected in the mainstream press. He teems up with shrill senior crime reporter Perri Reed and bland photographer Jain McManus, whom Wikipedia describes as “Kolchak's "open-minded" friend.” Together, they strut thru L.A. solving supernatural mysteries that no one else wants solved.

Kolchak hopes to simultaneously discover what happened to his wife, who died years earlier under mysterious circumstances, and reveal to the world the supernatural evils that lurk in the dark. “The public has a right to know.”

Typical episode: First there is the previously-ons which generally consist of each character introducing him or herself. Each episode then opens with overbearing narration from Kolchak. Some random person dies in a bloody, disgusting way. A press conference is held and Kolchak shows up, suspects there is something supernatural afoot, and says, “It’s a simple case of homicide . . . only it isn’t.”

Kolchak and Reed tell each other information they already know. They continue to argue exposition throughout the rest of the episode. At some point, the photographer says, “OK, now you’re creeping me out.” Reed expresses doubt, and backs up her doubt by arguing exposition. Some jerk who thinks Kolchak is crazy insults Kolchak/gives exposition by saying “I’m not the one who killed his wife.”

Then someone else dies in a disgusting bloody way. Kolchak points out, “I think these strange deaths are connected somehow.” Eventually, Kolchak and Reed argue enough exposition to arrive at the right place at exactly the right moment and defeat the supernatural evil. If there’s time, the story will be covered up. Otherwise, we go straight to Kolchak’s closing narration where he talks about evil lurking in the dark.

Typical dialogue: “That’s how he died, but that’s not what killed him. He spent ten years trying to catch a monster. I think the monster finally caught him.”

More dialogue: “All these strange deaths are like a puzzle. Pieces of a puzzle I’m trying to put together.”

More dialogue: “You know me too well, or rather, you don’t know me at all.”

Typical narration: “You start to see that there are terrible evils in the dark. But in seeing, you learn a terrible truth: that you have not found these evils at all, but rather, they have found you.”

My favorite episodes:

• “The Night Strangler” This is actually from the first series. Kolchak, then played by Darren McGavin, must solve the mystery of a carnivorous monster that comes out of hibernation every 23 years to kill, kill, kill. This TV movie was shoddily remade as episode 1.9 “Timeless.”
  

Least Favorite:

• All of them.
  

How many episodes were produced? 10. Only six aired.

Is there much continuity? There is obviously supposed to be. After all, Kolchak has to find out why his wife died. Sadly, the characters don’t act logically enough for there to be any consistency.

Why was it canceled? People seemed to notice this show reeked of horseshit and stayed away.

Was there closure? Not a bit.

Any unattended issues? Nothing but. There’s evil out there. Lurking in the dark.

The verdict: Problem number one – no matter how many times Townsend and the chick playing senior crime reporter Perri Reed claim to be reporters, I don’t believe it. They look and act like models – not reporters who have been working the beat for years.

Problem number two: The exposition. Seriously, seventy percent of each episode is watching people relate “facts” to each other. They look at photographs and describe what they see – as if the audience were blind and couldn’t notice for themselves.

This Shyamalan-lite shit has no logic or mood, attempts to hide this deficiency under a mountain of convolution, then tries to clear up the mess by having characters over-explain it, and then having another character translate what they said to even less convincing jargon, “You’re talking about cultures that eat the glands of animals!”

There is nothing to redeem this show. I started reading a book while it played in the background. The book I’m currently reading is pretty good.