- Irony.
- When heroes are bastards.
- Hot sex.
- Stylish violence.
- Stories told out of order.
- Anything subversive.
- Surreal humor.
- Teen angst.
- Anytime I have to work to figure out what’s going on.
- Cliff-hanger endings.
- Sword fights.
- Marginalized characters.
Clichés I hate in movies:
- Tinkling pianos. Whenever a character reveals something personal or tender, the music score reverts to soft, tinkling notes.
- Family values and morals.
- When characters share a really forced laugh to reveal how they are bonding. Laughter sucks in general.
- Unmotivated character changes in the third act. Suddenly somebody realizes how they can be better person just because we are ninety minutes into the story and things have to wrap up soon.
- Buying-a-new-wardrobe montage with pop songs.
- Clunky expositional speeches that end with the word, “remember?”
- Awkward exposition in general.
- When the hero tells off an antagonist, and the antagonist just stands there and silently takes it. Especially if the antagonist had previously been a fairly strong character.
- Bio film syndrome: using historical events to propel the story rather than character development or, say, an actual plot. Especially true when a movie is about a musician and the movie becomes a visual parade of their greatest hits.
- Wacky old-school grandparents in ethnic comedies.
- Curmudgeon old man humor.
- The part in Cinderella Man when Russell Crowe says he’s fighting for milk.
- Announcing the theme of the movie at the end in blunt terms.
- Somebody’s-getting-married for two hours.
- When marriage is presented as the end-all happiest of happy endings. Let’s all get married!
- When having a baby is presented as the end-all happiest of happy endings. Let’s all give birth!
- Audience-pandering ignorance in period movies. (e.g. Someone jokes about how indoor plumbing will never catch on.)
- When characters put their hands on a pregnant woman’s belly in order to make sure the audience understands that she’s pregnant. Spielberg never lets a pregnant belly go by unfondled.
- Group hugs.
- Renee Zellweger.
- Sports movies with a big game at the end. (If the movie is about working as team, they win. If it is about individuality, they lose. I get it.)
- Obtuse, profound-sounding, Hallmark Card aphorisms that mean nothing (e.g. “Some things can’t be learned. They must be remembered.” “I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.” "Life is like a box of chocolates." Or nearly every line from The Matrix – with the exception of, “Whoa!”).
- Pregnant pauses to further emphasize the self-importance of said aphorisms.
- Cell phones used as short hand to represent bad people. If they answer their phone during a conversation, they are a jerk in dire need of redemption.
- Anachronistic moments in period movies.
- Michael Bay.
- Tired, condescending one-liners just before someone pulls the trigger or explodes a bomb.
- Incompetent bad guys. (e.g. Bad guys can’t aim, but good guys can.)
- Characters magically return from the dead without any consequences.
- When all the main characters come out of life-threatening situations alive and without any injuries whatsoever.
- Fake suspense. Like the big game at the end of sports movies or when a renegade cop gets suspended from a case he’s working on.
- Female scientists who look like models.
- Christmas miracles that solve all problems. For added points, there’s a well-timed snow to further melt people’s hearts. Or in the case of Crash, end racism.
- Cutesy children characters.
- Con artist movies with a shocking, out-of-nowhere con at the end.
- Anything soul-inspiring, soul-stirring, or heart-warming. It’s all stomach-churning.
- When characters receive a standing ovation at the end of a movie and the music swells.
- The slow clap.
- Vapid, glossy characters who are considered the ultimate romantic “catch.”
- Michael Landon, Jr. -- and I haven't even seen any of his movies.
- When divorced couples are forced to work together in a crisis and reconcile.
- Tom Hanks.
- Inspired by being subjected to 4 1/2 seasons of The Wire and two Die Hard movies in just over a month, I have to include the cliche of the low-on-the-totem cop who knows the best way to get the job done, but is thwarted by those damn beaurocrats who just don't get it! See also, 24.
Clichés I'm Okay With . . . for now:
- When characters crash thru windows without getting a scratch.
- When characters vomit to express their emotional turmoil.
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