Me in a Nutshell

I would like to be a rock star, but I lack the talent, ability, charisma, looks, tools, stamina, fans, etc.

I like to eat pizza and Mexican food. But all my friends like to go to Ethiopian restaurants and places where they make me take off my hat and I have to pay twenty bucks for food I don’t like. Booooo!

I would like to do good things like help the poor and crap, but I get distracted by really important stuff like watching movies and sleeping and drinking. Mostly, I just say no when they ask me for money.

I don’t like relationships, because I don’t like to be emotionally available or present or care or have responsibility or answer the phone. Grammatically correct? Oh, well.

I like to go to movies at midnight. I also like to sit through to the end of the credits, but I always feel weird about it when I’m with someone.

I like to play drinking games and party games, but none of my friends do.

I hate getting stuck behind old people. Really slow old people.

I’ve never been to Dollywood or Six Flags.

I like to skateboard and swim and jog and hike. While juggling.

I am often restless and I get bored easily.

I want to go to more concerts.

If I go to a movie in the afternoon, I often get sleepy. If I drink a Red Bull beforehand, I stay awake, but I have to pee.

During the summer, I try to go white water rafting or canoeing or camping, but I rarely do. During the winter, I like to order pizza and watch movies at home.

I had to put my dog to sleep this last year. It was the suckiest thing ever and I get sad every time I think about it.

I’m uncomfortable around children.

I have a Ouija Board, but I’ve only used it once. During that one time, I discovered there were five ghosts by the five foot bookshelf.

I write stuff, but very little of it ever gets read.

I don’t like socks, but acknowledge they are necessary.

I always have something on hold at the library.

I like to watch French new wave films on gray winter afternoons.

I have one tattoo and I want another.

My oven doesn’t work.

I’ve been sleeping on a futon for over five years.

I get attached to characters on TV shows.

I try not to eat red meat or vegetables. I really hate fish. Yuck!

I stay up late.

I don’t believe in God and I get offended when Christian propaganda implies that I’m immoral because I don’t believe in the supernatural.

I use old school slang like “swell.”

I like it when the dudes at Smoothie King remember my name.

Sometimes, I find a cockroach in my apartment, but my nice-little-old-landlady doesn’t seem to believe me.

I like to meet new people, but I’m socially awkward.

I hate looking at pictures of myself.

I have trust issues. Sorry.

Some days, I’m just like fuck it, and I drink. A lot.

Anybody want to play Frisbee?