My Bonnaroo Experience

Well, I am back from Bonnaroo. There were ups and downs. There was fun and unfun. As usual, I failed to extract as much fun from he experience as I possibly could, but I did made a good effort.

As I mentioned earlier, I went alone. I think it was a good thing. No one was there to be bring me down or talk about feelings or schedule my whole damn day. A plus. 

I got in about two-thirty, set up camp with my suck ass tent, and went on to see Janeane Gorafolo (kinda lame), The Sword (kinda neat) and Vampire Weekend (also neat). I also saw the art of such 'n such. Always a fun way to pass the time. I didn't do much that first night. I really should get into the spirit of things more.

One of my campsite neighbors was some dude from Minnesota who called me "Nashville." He saw me reading Watchmen and told me this story about his crackhead uncle (Tim?) stealing his other uncle's (Ted?) collection of comics and how he's always excited to see people reading because he has to read for work, and he has come to appreciate it. But when another campsite neighbor started playing "The Freshman" by the Verve on his guitar, Minnesota-Reader-With-Uncles exclaimed "That's my motherf*cking sh*t!" over and over. I suspect this assesment amounts to a compliment.

The next day, I saw Drive-By Truckers (pretty cool), Fiery Furnaces (not my 

thing), and Minus The Bear (neato) before heading over to the main stage for The Raconteurs - the first show of the festival that I really liked. Jack White is always fun, even when he seems a wee bit pissed. It was here that I discovered my phone was nearly dead - despite the fact that I charged it before leaving. 

Then I saw Willie Nelson (meh) and Chris Rock (very funny) before avoiding Metallica and the rain and heading back to my tent, which turned out to be A) not rain-proof and B) not rain-proof at all. I fell asleep in my tent and woke up to a heavy storm that deterred me  from venturing out to see My Morning Jacket. Instead I slept in my car. 

When i woke up the next morning, everything was grey and sucky. And my phone wa completely dead. Discovering there is a place to recharge phones in Centeroo, I go there bright and early, only to discover they don't open until noon. I am alerted by the useless staff that they may not have a charger for my particular phone. We will have to wait and see. And then the melancholy kicked in full blast.

I became overwhelmed with this nagging, terrifying feeling that something bad had happened, and my family was trying to contact me, but my phone was dead so I didn't know. And then the gray skies, rainy day, and (at this time of morning) mostly deserted Centeroo didn't help. I got in line at eight in the morning at the Fuse Barn (where the charging station was) and waited until noon. Due to the chaotic disorganization, I was not first in line, but it didn't matter since they did not have a charger for my phone. At this point, it was still raining and cold and grey. The depression was heavy. Later that day, I managed to get my phone up and working just long enough to discover I had no messages. Thank goodness my premonition was crap. I felt better after that. 

After sulking in my wet, cold, cloudy tent all morning, I went to see Against Me! Totally awesome. Even more awesome? The Avett Brothers. I *will* be buying their next album. That

at was, hands down, my favorite show of the festival. 

I rested up for the big night ahead, but the lure of the sunset and a brighter disposition called me back to Centeroo before I could get a nap in. I sat through the end of the Jack Johnson concert in order to see Peral Jam and ended up standing next to this dude named Benjamin. Benjamin was a little off. This is the fourth of eleven festivals he will be attending this year. He doesn't like Death Metal. When we shook hands, he pulled his away in a manner that made it seem as if he only just recalled that he is not allowed to touch others - mid-shake. At one point, a man in a sequined Santa Claus suite drifted by through the crowd. Benjamin called out, "Andrew!" The guy in the Santa suit *shunned* Benjamin, who took it in stride. How bizarre do you have to be for the guy wearing a sequined Santa Claus suit in 90 degree weather to pretend he doesn't know you? At that moment, Benjamin was awesome. So was Pearl Jam.

Kanye West, however, sucked. He went on at 4:30 in the morning - well after the 2:45 a.m. rescheduling, and when I saw the first two songs of his lame show (there is apparently a

 framing story involving his crashing on Earth in a spaceship), I went home. It was dawn at that point, so his glow-in-the-dark thing, useless. 

Also that night I saw Sigur Ros (awesome) . . . 

And a band called Dead Confederates (also awesome), whose set ended quite suddenly. 

The last day, I saw The Coup's acoustic set (fantastic), Rogue Wave, and Broken Social Scene (disappointing) before heading home early for my dad's birthday dinner.

>>The Birthday Dinner:

• I got him nothing, though my siblings (none of whom are his children) all got him gay gifts: The Bucket List on DVD, a card that plays a "chicken dance," (the chicken dance was demonstrated for those lucky enough to be in attendance) a book of quotes for old people, etc. They went on at length about a great musical they saw called "Menopause: The Musical!" Apparently it touched on *everything.* The only person not laughing was a fat woman in the audience. There were a lot of fat jokes and she couldn't see the humor in that. My 25 year old niece (or as I call her, Terror Incarnate) also loved this musical about menopause ("It touched on everything!"). Terror Incarnate's review of the new Indiana Jones movie: "It's got a very interesting twist that makes it . .  .different from the other movies." My nephew was watchign Inidana Jones and the Last Crusade on TV. I vividly remember him watching this movie as a kid and laughing approriously at the scene where eveyone thinks Indy is dead, but he walks up right behind them. Well, he laughed approriously again at the very same scene. I can't watch that svene without thinking, "This isn't funny. Why would that jerk think this is funny." Then my nephew told a story about a friend of his who foolishly tried to use a potato as a silencer on his gun. Instead, it was a stopper, and it caused the barrel to blow up. It would seem my nephew is smarter than his friends because he suspected the potato-as-silencer trick would go askew.
• I don't like hanging out with my family.
  Back to Bonnaroo<<>Once was there, and he said it was the highlight of Bonnaroo for him. I would have seen that show if I had realized they were there. He also said the Ghostland Observatory show was incredible. When he did an imitation of Ghostland's voice, I was doubtful, but he described how awesome it *looked* with all his fancy lasers and glow sticks and I wish I had seen that (rather than wait for Kanye West all night). He also told me he had hitchhiked to Bonnaroo, and at some point was picked up by someone who works for or with Kanye West. According to this dude per the other dude, Kanye lost $100,000 by appearing that late at night. I'm sure he still made plenty. 

The verdict: I have to learn to be more adventurous when attending Bonnaroo.

Side note: There was a lot of Bush-bashing. Garofalo, Pearl jam, Chris Rock, Broken Social Scene, Mike Biriglia, and more. 

All through Bonnaroo, I was a little paranoid that someone might steal my stuff. Instead, someone ripped off my mail at home. Three Netflix movies - gone. And the doorknob on my back door, heavily unscrewed. Either someone made a lame attempt to break in and stole my mail instead, or they stole my mail and made a lame attempt to make it look like someone tried to break in. I think my neighbors tried to rip me off. Jerks.

At least none of my crappy "camping equipment" was stolen. And at least my car didn't break down. And at least I wasn't mugged or raped.  I was also pleased to see that my apartment did not burn down / was not overrun with bugs in my absense. Woo-hoo!